Smother the Flame in Your Heart // Danny x Sam

Part XXI

Word Count: ~1800 (I know it's super short, I'm sorry)

Warnings: none <3

No, I'm not dead. Your girl's just been going through it for a while and is now just beginning to try and get herself out of this dreadful creative slump and series of poor decisions that are making her already tumultuous mental health and circumstances worse. No, this fic is not done! So I hope y'all are still with me and I hope you enjoy <3

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"I seriously can't believe you got away with it." Josh's face was still stuck in disbelief when he said that to Jake, but when his twin looked back at him with some disbelief and undeserved innocence of his own, Josh smirked and shook his head. "You're such a scoundrel. Just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"It's really not funny," Jake protested, sighing and turning away to look out into the trees. The porch around him harbored so much scandal and discourse, he thought, that it should become some kind of historical marker. "Because no, I couldn't help myself. I put myself in the line of fire just to maybe get what I needed."

"And I thought I was dramatic," Josh said, leaning back in his chair with a matching sigh. "You should praise every god known to mankind that Sam didn't destroy you, and that Danny still wants to be your friend."

"Trust me, I've been doing that."

Jake caught Josh shaking his head again in his peripheral vision. "I also can't believe I missed all of this."

"It was probably for the better. It felt like a lot to...process," Jake said, looking up at the gray-blue sky now. "You would have made me doubt my choice. I had to just go for it. Take the risk." At that, Josh gave a little hum.

It was the weekend and Sam was with Danny, of course, and Jake's whole world still felt a little empty even though everyone was getting on good terms again. He missed Danny. He missed Sam, too. Things were going to go back to normal–he knew that–but he was eager to get to that as quickly as possible. The feelings of guilt and shame that kept following him nagged and tormented him. Ironically, it was now only when he was spending time with Sam and Danny that he felt those feelings leave him alone. It was when Jake was by himself that all the memories crashed into him like a tidal wave.

"And how are you now?" Josh pressed gently, looking at Jake so intently that he had to look right back. "Really?"

"Better." Better was true–saying "good" or anything beyond wouldn't have been as accurate. "Seriously, when I saw the two of them outside–out here," Jake went on, waving a hand over the deck. "And heard what they were saying, it just finally clicked, y'know? Danny loves the fuck out of Sam. I'm never gonna be a part of that." He sighed again, averting eye contact for a second. "It was all just a fantasy."

After a brief pause, Josh said, "Fantasies can still feel very real to us." Jake let those words hang in the air–his twin wasn't wrong. But then Josh asked, "Are you now–or I guess were you ever–in love with Danny after all this?"

Jake had to chuckle. He really could be such a romantic–so caught up in those fantasies, in those feelings, that more often than not only came from stories, not real life. His imagination frequently ran wild while his reality felt so tame. Maybe the fact that Danny and Sam had achieved a fairytale romance beyond anyone's wildest dreams fueled Jake's own fire. If fantasy could be reality for someone else, it could be for him. Just not with Danny.

"I don't know if I ever was. I'd like to say I wasn't to, you know, save myself being even more embarrassed," Jake confessed. "But if I was, I'm not now. The spell's been broken. Fucking finally."