Daybreak Oneshots

The Railing (semi-vent?)

CONTENT WARNING! This oneshot contains the following:

- Suicidal thoughts/ideation
- Mentions of the ocean (may trigger thalassophobia)

Do not read further if these make you uncomfortable. Otherwise, proceed with caution.

A/N: The only reason I tagged this with semi-vent is because I have a hard time with suicidal ideation myself and I find comfort in projecting such things onto my kins/faves. This is most likely going to be out of character, so bear with me here.

This is also an angst fic that someone suggested I write (he simply said to write one, and didn't specify the contents so... yeah.)

Ok that's enough rambling from me. The actual thing isn't that long because I wrote it on a whim before an exam. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tired eyes fixated on the ceiling above as I lay in bed. I am unable to fall asleep. There's too many thoughts racing through my head, far too many to allow for my slumber.

I have so much work to do tomorrow. I need to work on my paper. I should check my heal gun. I wonder what my life would've been like if I hadn't gotten this internship. What if I just swam through the ocean instead? Would my boss let me do that?

I need to take a walk.

I tossed my blanket aside and slipped on a pair of dingy shoes, eager to clear my mind. Maybe if I took a walk, I'll be able to fall asleep.

The door slid open as I walked out, shutting behind me. I turned and began walking down the hallway, with my only destination being my own room. It didn't matter which way I went, as long as it was back in bed.

My legs brought me up the stairs, and soon enough I was on the deck of the ship, feeling the sea breeze kiss my face. I strolled to the fence lining the deck and leaned on it, arms slightly dangling off of the railing. The ship gently rocked back and forth, like a mother rocking her baby asleep. My gaze wandered to the waves below, softly colliding with the hull of the boat I was perched on.

It looked so inviting. So... mesmerizing.

Going for a swim would be nice. I could use a break from reality.

I flinched at the thought, eyes widening. Do I have a death wish? I don't have any of my diving equipment! I will certainly drown if I jump into the ocean.

But it's tempting. All it would take is for me to lift my legs over the railing...

I mean, what else did I have to lose anyway? I lost my girlfriend, I'm away from land, and I don't even know if I'll get a promotion and make this an actual job!

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to shoo away the thoughts. What the hell am I thinking? I don't want to die, not now. I know things will get better, that's for sure. I'm doing something I enjoy and care about, after all. I have to be alive if I want those things to happen.

The sounds of the waves rushed through my ears, washing away all the negativity. My head began to spin, and before I knew it my arms slipped and my body slammed against the railing, feeling the steel bar press into my chest.

I groaned, wincing at the pain. My arms now hung over the railing, dangling in the air.

So close.

My heart skipped a beat, realizing the implications of my thought.

Am I really going to do it?

No, I can't.

But I'm tired. So tired. I deserve a break, right?

I could feel my eyes closing, my mind drifting. My body begged for release, a return to slumber. But I certainly wasn't thinking straight. It would make more sense to walk back inside so I can get some proper rest.

Nobody will notice. There's plenty of people who can take your place if you do. How many times will you stare at the ocean like this before you finally do it?

I took one last glance behind me, at the boat I stood upon. I would be abandoning my work, my life, my interests, my relationships... everything. What did it matter in the end?

Using my hands to support my thigh, I lifted my right leg over the railing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: He chickened out and went to bed like he initially wanted. I wanted to make this open-ended but didn't feel like it.