The Reason Why

Chapter Fifteen

I did not come home straight after Ethan's mental breakdown. I watched him flushing those white pills down the toilet loo and took good care of him for a while. I already made him some porridge, compressed his forehead and sat on the edge of his bed, listening to his rambles in his sleep. I left his house at night, around 9 PM.

This went on for a week. I visited him everyday and took care of him, just like a mother would do when her son is sick. Then, I grew suspicious of Ethan's illness, the fever that went on and on. I told him to have a checkup at the doctor, but he refused without any specific reason. I knew that he was worried if he would be reported to the police when his checkup results showed drug consumption or even worse, forced to take the urine test to validate their suspicion.

On a rainy afternoon, I called my mom's friend, Anna, the nerve system doctor. I explained what happened to Ethan truthfully, without omitting any single detail (including his drug usage) and pleaded with her not to say a word about Ethan's drug usage. For a while, Anna did not say anything after I finished my story. I heard her drawing a long breath on the other line.

"Kimberly," she finally said in a desperate tone, "does your Mom know about this?"

I froze.

"No," I replied, biting my lip. Please God, don't let her tell my mom. I only wanted to help Ethan.

"Does anyone else know about this, besides you?"

"No. None at all," I clarified, mustering my courage to tell the truth. I knew I was doing a risky job, looking after Ethan, a guy I barely know.

"Please, don't tell my mom, Anna–" I abruptly added.

"How long have you known Ethan, Kim, if I may ask?"

I clenched my fist over and over again, shuffled on my feet, "Almost a year... I guess.."

"You guess? Oh, good Lord!" Anna exclaimed. I could imagine her doing a facepalm.

"Kim, although I know I can trust you, please be careful, OK? You might not know what's going to happen when you're alone taking care of a man you just met who fell into depression, drug addiction, and great loss. What I can conclude is.. this friend of yours.."

"Ethan," I quickly said.

"Yes – this Ethan, is in a grieving condition. I don't know where he is exactly in the five stages of grief, but he seems to me that he is bargaining with himself to find meaning. Yet after that, there is the depression stage where he will also encounter helplessness, avoidance, hostility, and tons of emotional roller coaster before being wholly healed."

"I see," I replied. Yes, it makes sense.

"The thing is, Kim, I know what he felt. I've experienced a similar fate 5 years ago. It was my fiance," she trailed off.

I listened intently, the conversation still hanging in the air. Anna was trying to control herself, on the verge of breaking down.

"My fiance, Johnny," she began again, now with a steady voice, "passed away 7 years ago. I loved him, and I still love him wretchedly today– which explains my choice to be unmarried forever. He was the air that I breathe whom I rest my world upon, the wonderful promising new start to a new life after my medical school (which I hoped to be). I lost him to cancer. I loved him dearly more than my own life, because he helped me to discover who I am, what I mean, and what I can become as I fully chase after my dreams. Johny... he could read me so easily like a book. Since I love Johnny so much and have already planned our future together from the moment we were highschool sweethearts, I decided to be a nerve system doctor. I wanted to be his lifelong partner to help him look after his cherished epileptic sister, Martha. What a sweet girl she is, yet so unfortunate due to epilepsy. The point is, Kimberly, I understand the feeling of losing people you love. This Ethan friend of yours... did not only lose his parents, but also his siblings, and almost lost his own life because of the bulk of responsibility he had to bear. Yet you're there to wake him up to answer reality. He is lucky to have you sticking around. Not many people are willing to extend a bruised hand to broken souls while dealing with their own personal issues."