Unsure (Coinpin fanfic)

Another Monday

⚠️❗️AHHH SPOOKY WARNINGG❗️⚠️: This chapter includes self harm (mental and physical). Nothing too bad- the only item used is a broken, plastic butter knife. I'm squeamish myself so don't worry-

Pin's POV:

Beep Beep! Beep beep! Beep bee-!

I aggressively slam my obnoxiously loud alarm clock, shutting it off. Before I could even sit up I hear a gentle knock on my door. "Come in." I respond groggily while wiping my morning tears. My mom enters my room with a nervous smile. "Hey, cherry..." She takes a seat on my bed next to me. I can tell from her expression that we're about to have a somewhat serious talk. I let her ruffle my hair and put her arm around my shoulder because she's the only person I wouldn't punch right now. I rest my head on her shoulder, allowing her to give me as much affection as she wants. "So, what's the matter?" I ask despite already knowing. "Well, I know this weekend hasn't been the best- especially Saturday... And I don't want you going to school feeling really stressed, y'know? I was thinking of letting you stay home today but I want it to be up to you. I know how you get when I make decisions for you." She ends it with a chuckle and I can't help but smile slightly. Staying home soons nice but I'd rather deal with the crazy amount of questions from Firey and Leafy about why I'm avoiding you-know-who today than tomorrow. If I weren't to show up to school today that would add more to it as well. "...or, I could take you to school later and say you had an appointment. I know how to forge a doctor's note." She adds while smirking with a wink. "U-uhm...I-I don't know... Are you such they won't know it's fake...?"
"Did you seriously forget I used to be a doctor?"
"You were a nurse."
"....well, still. I think I know how to fill out a doctor's note. I promise nothing will happen, pumpkin." She reassures me before planting a light kiss on my forehead.
"Okay," I say finally being able to push my anxiety out of the way. "We can do that."
"That's my girl!" She gives my shoulder a pat before standing up. "I'll let you sleep in a bit more." I nod before hearing the door click and laying back down.

Not even five minutes later I sit up again. I miss Coiny more than I'd like to admit. I get my phone from my purse I left next to my bed on the floor. I know he sneaks his phone into classes he doesn't like but right now he should be on the bus. He'd probably answer then if I texted him. Should I even talk to him at all? I'm still really mad at him. It should be obvious that I didn't want to be touched AND that I wasn't in the mood... I was in a rush too. He was just trying to help. How was he supposed to know when all you were doing was being mean and difficult. Then, you decide to ruin everything just because you were pissed off. He has every right to hate you. This isn't even the first time...what is wrong with you? You deserve everything that happened to you. It was all your fault anyway. My chest starts to feel heavy as I hyperventilate. I accidentally drop my phone without any reaction before crying into my hands and letting my thoughts beat me up for being such a horrible person. You're so annoying and hard to deal with because you're always putting up a fuss about everything. Even your mom said so. Everyone hates you and you should hate yourself as well. I forced myself to stand up. My vision blurs for a few seconds due to getting up too quickly. I use my dresser as support and realize my shoulders are aching. Good, hurt more. My eyes land on my small trash can, more specifically on a random plastic knife that seemed to be broken.

Use it, use it, use it.

Use it.

...

JUST USE IT ALREADY.

My hands shake as I go over to pick it up. It's broken so that means it would sharper. That also means it will hurt more. Hurry up. Unexpected tears run down my face as I stare at it. Your dad doesn't even like you. He ignores you whenever he's here. He doesn't give a shit about you- no one does. Do everyone a favor and use the knife already. Before doing anything I lock my door. Let's start with your wrist then, make it up to your shoulders.