I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

Cigarettes and talking

I thought that the best place that i could be alone was the astronomy tower. 

I had forgotten to grab a jacket from my bedroom so the chilly air of the outside sharply nipped at my thin, delicate skin. You could definitely feel the October breeze. 

I stood at the railing, arms touching the cold metal and i opened the box of cigarettes, took one out and placed it in between my lips, wrapping them around it. Then i turned on the lighter and directed the hot flame towards the end of the tab. I inhaled, cheeks hollowing even more then they already where, lungs expanding as i felt the slight burn of nicotine and blew out the smoke into the atmosphere. 

 Back when i was hanging out with the bad lot, i started smoking. Two of the 17 year old's offered me a fag while we where hanging out which i took and ever since then i had been smoking on and off. I hadn't had a tab since i had started Hogwarts back in the September but i enjoyed the sweet relief as the smoke exited from my lungs. 

Granted, that could also be from the remains of drug that was still in my system but it felt good either way. 

I held the cigarette loosely in my fingers, taking drags every so often. 

The color of the smoke could be seen against the inky black sky at nearly 2:00 am in the morning. 

Any anxieties that may had been remaining got dulled out by the nicotine. I felt calmness and relaxation enveloped me like a warm blanket and i suddenly didn't need a jacket anymore. 

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the sounds around me completely take my focus. 

I wiped my mouth subconsciously and took yet another drag, then i snubbed it out on the railing and took another out the box. I never realized how much i had been clamming for one until i had it. The familiar smell engulfing my senses like something i had been longing for all my life. 

I took i few more drags until i feel a looming presence behind me, "you know smoking kills" a soft recognizable voice utters, sarcasm dripping from his tone, i hastily turn around, hiding the lit tab behind my back, "Professor Lupin!" i respond, slightly more high pitched then intended, "no idea what your talking about Sir" i say, trying to hide the lingering effects of what i had taken hours earlier, eyes still dialed, darting around my surroundings, trying to find an escape. 

My eyes pinch together a little, attempting to hide the obvious dilation of my pupils. 

His eyebrows knit together, tilting his head to the side and he slowly starts walking closer towards me, "Abby.. what are you doing up here and awake at this time" he continues to get closer and i chuck the cigarette i had across the railing and quickly shoved my lighter and box in the pocket of my skirt. "What? nothing. I'm doing nothing" i laugh awkwardly and inch further backwards, my lower back hitting against the railing. 

He crosses his arms over his shoulders and takes another step forward, "you okay Abby?" "Yup, Yup, all good" i nod continuously, looking down to the floor, "actually, I'm quite tired sooo I'll just go to bed now" i tried to walk past him but he moved quite swiftly to walk next to me and followed me down the stairs back inside the school. 

I kept my eyes trained to the floor, hands wringing together. I could feel Lupins glances at me as we walked. I knew he could tell that something was going on, i just had to avoid eye contact with him and get to the common room as quickly as possible. 

We eventually reached the Gryffindor common room and i was about to walk through the portrait hole when Lupin gently placed his hand on my shoulder and i turned around, still looking at the floor. "So, what ARE you doing up right now Abby", he looked at his watch that was on his wrist and looked back up at me, "because it about quarter to 3 in the morning which means i really should be giving you a detention for being out of the common room." 

It had been many hours since i took the MDMA and it had nearly worn completely off. I nervously, though trying not to show it, looked up from the spot i was staring at on the floor and faced my professor, still wringing my hands together, i bit my lip and took a breath, "well, it was the Halloween party tonight, everyone started to go to sleep and i needed to get some air sooo, hence the me being outside". Remus looked at me then looked down to my plain arms and back up at me, "have you been drinking tonight Abby?" "What! noo! how could i have been!!!" Remus tilted his head slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, "You just look a bit.. out of it Abby, I'm merely just worried-" "well don't be, I'm fine" i interjected, "Abby, i can smell the alcohol on you and- and there's something else.." he narrowed his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed even more "and i don't think its such a wise idea if you have been engaging in such activity, not in the state your in at-" "what state." i exclaimed, bluntly, "I'm fine, I've said a million times that I'm fine, i don't need you to be 'looking after me' constantly, you're not my.. dad..." My breath hitched at my own words and i quickly looked back down at the floor again pressing my back as close as i could get it against the wall. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide the sickening feeling i now feel sitting at the pit of my stomach. However, Lupin seemed to have notice my quick behavior change and sunk his head, trying to be at eye level with me and  lowered his voice slightly, acting as if it wasn't just the two of us in the corridor. "Abby..., you need to start opening open to me, about things, maybe about why all of this started, maybe it has something to do with.. home life possibly" My eyes widened at what he said and i started stuttering, "uh, wha, um, no, it has nothing to do with home life at all" I shake my head, some what uncontrollably and start squeezing my arm behind my back. Even though i had the glamour charm on, i knew that underneath my arm was becoming red as i continued to squeeze even harder.  I could feel panic rising up in my throat and chest, eyes brimming with salty tears, ready to break free. "Abby" he said even quiter and softer then before, Lupin moved his hand from my shoulder to the top of  my arm, "Abby. How about you come into my room and you can sleep off your festivities, then we can talk about what's actually been bothering you, why all of this actually started, hmm?" i stood rigid to the spot, not knowing what to say. 'I couldn't tell him about EVERYTHING, i just couldn't..'   "uhmm. i- i don't know..." i scrunched my face up a bit and shook my head slightly. Lupin walked closer towards me so that we were now side by side, he places his hand gently on my back, "how about we just play it by ear, see how you are in the morning, get all the.. excitement from the night out of your system so then you can talk to me properly about it." I looked up at him and he gave me a gentle smile in return then i looked down at the floor, closed my eyes, tightening my lips into a thin line and nodded, running my hands through my now even messier hair and we walked down the corridor side by side. 

A VERY SHORT CHAPTER BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED... WE'RE GETTING MORE TO THE JUICY STUFF NOWWW SO BE PREPARED..  and some juicy stuff that mayyy not be revealed just yet 

let me know what you thought of the chapter!!!

(1385 words)