I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

run up to Christmas...

It was just over one week until Christmas, which meant i was leaving Hogwarts to go back there. 

The fake 'I'm okay' facade that i have been putting on for the past weeks slowly diminished as the time to leave drew closer. 

As i walked through the halls of Hogwarts, i was a ghost. 

I was physically there, but drifting above myself, in a constant foggy state. 

Without Lupin CONSTANTLY making sure I'm okay, he didn't realize my change of attitude. 

The want to cut creeped up on me more and more often the closer it got to me leaving for the holidays. 

I cant go back there. 

But there's no way i can stay at Hogwarts, My mothers boyfriend instructed me to be home for the holidays to 'help round the house'. 

Of course he didn't express his real intentions to the teachers. 

He just wants me to do everything around the house while he sits around on his lazy arse and drinks. Then when i don't do something the way he says it should be done , I'm 'punished'. 

The sun rises again and its a new day, one day closer to Christmas break. 

It felt like the world around me was muffled to my ears and it go worse day by day. 

I slowly rose up from my lying position and sat on the edge of my bed.

I don't think I've slept in 3 days. 

as the days diminished, so did my ability to sleep. The nightmares go worse the closer it got because i knew what was waiting for me as soon as i go back to that house. 

I sat on the edge of the bed for a solid 15 minutes, staring blankly at the wall in front of me until i finally stood up and walked over to my school bag and grabbed the blade, swapping it between my fingers. 

My arms and legs still get checked whenever i have a little session, but that's only my forearms, not my upper arms. 

I'm starting to run out of places of Lupin starts finding out about all of them. 

I slid my arms out of my pajama shirt sleeve and brought the blade up just under my shoulders on the upper part of my arm. Then i slid the blade across the bare canvas roughly, tugging the skin slightly as i did. 

I did this a few more times until i could actually feel something except numbness, then i went over to my bandages and wrapped my bloodied up arm. 

After i groggily put my uniform on, i left my bedroom and walked down to the common room to meet up with the trio. 

I couldn't even fake smile at them, i didn't have the energy, not when i knew what was coming. 

"Abby.. what's up?" Hermione asked, concern written all over her face. 

"Nothing." I shrugged and continued to walk out of the common room doors, not caring if they group was following behind me or not. 

Hermione glanced to Ron and Harry seeing them both sporting the same worried look she was. 

The jogged to catch up with me and stayed quite for the rest of the way to the great hall for breakfast. 

I was becoming a zombie, a shell of my former self and i couldn't stop it, i didn't know how. 

I had one slice of plain toast in front of me and a glass of water.