𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ bts added member / soloist

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ i can't handle change

this chapter talks about drug use & abuse!

jay sat in a folding chair in the cold, barren gym of the rehab center. all that contained in the room were around seven other people sitting in the same position he's in, and a few nurses to make sure no one tried to escape.

his leg bounced up and down impatiently as he waited for the love of his life and daughters to walk through that door and greet him for the first time since he left. although, there is one person he expects to not show up. and if she does, it will not be for a chat.

jade, his eldest daughter. his baby. correction, oldest baby. the baby that completely altered the course of his life at the age of sixteen. nothing could have broken their bond, except for one thing.

his inability to change.

jay had been struggling with drugs, alcohol, and the ability to control his anger. sure, it had been something he had always struggled with, but things really went down hill when his eldest sister passed away from a seemingly similar situation.

jade and eliana were willing to help him through it all. jade, who wanted the best for him and eliana; eliana, who wanted the best for their children.

jade had been with him thick and thin, even opting to skip work to stay the night at his house to make sure everything was going okay. she, chy, and soobin were the only ones who were actually able to stand up to him.

eliana, on the other hand, had to deal with the recent torment and toxicity of their relationship. of course, jay's main priority was to always protect his daughters. but when he had a little too much to drink or smoke, that all went out the window.

he never physically hurt his daughters, not even while drunk, just only had no care for what they saw him do. he only hurt the people who stood up to him, or tried, at least.

one particularly quiet evening, jay decided it would be a good idea to have a little drink. it wouldn't hurt right? his two daughters who still lived with him were sound asleep, meanwhile eliana and his sister, sana, were sat on the couch watching some kind of movie that they found on hulu.

chy and soobin decided to pay them a late night visit as well since everything had been so crazy with comeback season. chy and soobin were sat doing their down thing at the kitchen table, not paying any attention to their brother practically chugging a bottle of alcohol in the kitchen.

that's when things really started to go downhill. things were being said about one another that weren't exactly pleasant. soobin, being the second strongest in the household, opted to shield eliana from anything that might come her way.

jay and soobin never got along anyway, which fueled jay's anger even more. a little sixteen year old wouldn't let him see the love of his life. 

the night ended with a bottle or two smashed on the floor, soobin's arms wrapped in bandages, and sirens filling the neighborhood.

jade said she would never forgive him for hurting her uncle, or nephew as she likes to call him.

jay had been at the rehab center for around two weeks at this point and only had three to go. jade had been sending him letters every other day, all of them not so nice.

the letters were filled with hateful statements. you're such a coward. what kind of example are you setting for sage. you hurt everyone around you. i never want to see you again. your brothers hate you. your sisters hate you. your kids hate you. your wife hates you. i hate you. i wish you weren't my father.

was jade right? partly. was she in the wrong? yeah. did jay believe every single word of it? absolutely.

he really hoped he wouldn't have to face jade for a long time. but it also really hurt him thinking that. he was scared of his own daughter. he was scared of what she thinks of him. he was scared he ruined the relationship they built over the last ninteen years. but did he ruin it? in just one night.

jade was no longer going to help him. she was mad, and taking her anger out on her father was the way she decided to cope. it's not like jay could do anything about it anyways. she was an adult woman. he had no right to feel bad when everything she's saying is true.

jay spent countless nights sobbing to his roommate about the situation. he wanted his little girl back. he desperately wanted to hold her in his arms again, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

every single thing she said about him got to him. he believed it all. but, that could be far from the truth. only his little brother and youngest daughter hate him. although, she is too young to understand what's going on.

and when the time came for his wife and daughters to visit him, he dreaded it. yes, he wanted to see them again, but he didn't know how to face them. he hurt his wife on multiple occasions, and needed a sixteen year old to stop him because he was too immature to realize what he was doing.

the seconds on the clock ticked away at what seemed like forever. everyone else in the room had greeted their family, but there was no sign of jays. maybe he was in too far over his head. they actually hate him. why did he believe they would visit him?

tick tock. tick tock. tick tock.

the door finally opened again. his head perked up at the lost hope it would be his family.

he can't recall what happened in between, he only remembers being in eliana's embrace once again.

this may have been the happiest moment of his life. the two weeks felt like an eternity, but it all felt worth it. the grip his arms had around her waist became tighter with every second that passed. her arms wrapped around his back grew tighter, as well. he burried his head in the crook of her neck, finally happy to have some comfort.

"i missed you so, so much. i love you."