𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ bts added member / soloist

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ quarter life

another shitpost. i did not re-read this and wrote it in 30 minutes to project my feelings again 😨

i apologize that its shit and i really dont care 🙏

i honestly should just make a oneshot book at this point 😝

time: july 12th, 2005
location: half moon bay, ca

dumb. that's how jay felt as he looked at the little girl crying in his arms. his girlfriend fled the country pretty much as soon as she got permitted to leave the hospital. sure, he was still living with his parents because he legally had no where else to go, but he had no support. he knew nothing about raising a baby.

he had no support whatsoever. all of his siblings lived in seoul, besides one-year-old amara who was in the process of being taken from their birth parents and was just being settled in america. his parents, who he thinks don't deserve the title of being his parents, resented him for being the sixteen year old fuck up who had a baby.

he was just a sixteen year old entering his junior year that works at in-n-out who barely spoke english. he's not even a quarter into his life, and yet the entire course of his life has been altered in a single day.

he was lost. he didn't know what to do. he gently laid jade down in her crib before falling to the ground and hugging his knees. tears threatened to escape his eyes. he wasn't cut out to be a father, especially alone. he wished he had someone to help him. jade was barely a week old and he felt like he failed. this was her first night out of the hospital. everything was going to be different from now on.

he tried to clear the fog from his brain by thinking of reasons why she was crying. babies cry because they're hungry, maybe she wants milk?

he didn't have any powder or even a baby bottle because he couldn't afford to buy any, and his ex promised she would. 

of course. his parents were out of the house, and he has a baby sister.

with a shaky hand, he opened the door to his room and found his way to the stairs. he tightly gripped onto the railing, trying not to stumble over his own feet.

once he reached the bottom of the stairs, he whipped his head from side to side to make extremely sure that his parents had indeed left. once he deemed the coast clear, he walked into the kitchen and quickly closed the curtains just in case they came home.

he rummaged through the cabinets until he found one of the older bottles amara had, so it might not be greatly obvious that it was missing. he found the container of formula and let out a sigh of relief. as he didn't have the brain power to comprehend or read the instructions, he took out whatever measuring instrument closely matched the one in the pictures. he did the same with the picture with the water, dumping both into the bottle.

screwing the lid on, he punched in whatever numbers he saw on the box into the microwave. although, he was still very paranoid that his parents would be home any minute. he impatiently rocked back and forth while looking out the window, waiting to hear the beep of the microwave. as soon as that beep was heard, he took the bottle out and slammed the door shut. he shoved the container back in the cabinet and put the measuring utensil back in it's drawer before booking it up to his room.

he held jade in one arm, who had not stopped crying this entire time, and the bottle in his other hand. he tried to recall his child development class and the slides he saw about how to properly feed a baby. he made sure her head was in the crook of his arm, put the bottle to her lips and tilted it back just far enough so she could drink out of it.

it seemed to be working as she wasn't fighting him anymore and looked like she was enjoying herself. the milk quickly disappeared from the bottle, and he finally felt like he accomplished something.