War

Chapter Seven

Amity

Once upon a time, there was a girl without hope. She found it in her family. First her siblings, and then, her father. It was harder with him. Harder to remember in time. But there are times when I do remember. When my mind drifts to the moments, the memories, that remind me of the hope I had found in him as well.

It was cold out, and my hands were practically frozen still. Inhales of dry, cold air and exhales I could see leave me visually. Moving to shove them into my pockets didn't do much for me but my options were limited. There was a shifting at the corner of my eye in the window and I turned to be met with Luz on the ground moving. I looked back down at the trap I had been preparing. It was a defensive option I could fall back on if need be. To protect Luz and myself.

Taking my hands out of my pockets subjected them to the cold air again and I moved quickly to adjust the sting further against the side of the outside wall. There was an echo of Luz coughing and I pushed myself back up to stand, kicking up inches of snow with my movement. I made my way around the building before making my way in and ensuring the door was secure. Then I turned and made my way over to Luz falling to my knees at her side. 

"It's okay," I whispered taking the blanket meant for me and pulling it over her. As she continued to cough I placed my hand gently on her shoulder. She flinched from the contact and it wasn't until I whispered into her ear that it was me that she could settle. The tension in her left and I started to run my fingers through her hair absentmindedly. My hands shook during the action, still affected by the elements I couldn't escape even while I was inside.

I couldn't remember a time when the cold had bothered me this much until I realized the main issue had come from the feeling in my hands. Usually, my father would dress me up in multiple layers before allowing me and my siblings to brave the weather. He'd always fuss over us and warned us how we'd get sick if we didn't dress properly. And after putting on layer after layer he would always save my hands for last. "Mittens for my Mittens." He'd mumble in a gentle voice.

But now here I was, with no family and nothing to cover the cold of my hands or the chill such a memory brought into my heart. Luz was here. Luz...she was something to me. Someone who mattered. She wasn't them, but she was Luz. And maybe the warmth that thought brought to my heart helped to fight off a different type of cold. 

My mind came back down to earth for a moment, sitting against the wall as the same cold fell upon me. Slowly, I brought my hands up to the front of my mouth and let out a breath of warm air into them. Something Luz had done for me before that brought a smile to my face now at the thought. Soon though, my mind fell back into the story of my life playing out in my head.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lost her hope. Then, she found it again in the girl who saved her life. And when she lost it again, it was not because of the girl she found herself. She lost it because of the same world that took it in the first place. But she, no I, found it again in the people and the places and the things that mattered. And it started to slip away again because of my mother. Admitting to that hurt because it wasn't always like that. My relationship with her wasn't always so painful.

I remember my father used to have this game my siblings and I played when we were younger. After school, he'd pick us up and take us to do something together. Go to the park or get ice cream or something. Anything nice and fun that some kids and their father would enjoy. And then, when we got home, my siblings and I would race each other to see who could hug Mom the fastest. And it hurt even more to remember the last time I hugged her being the time I was trapped in that place with Luz. In the moment before she betrayed me and created cracks in the wall of hope I had been rebuilding.