Prompt Poetry

love comes through

and so, here are my thoughts

as i take this deep breath and i type these words, i wonder what it means to be me

i wonder how i am perceived and i wonder if it is correct, but not because i care to change the minds of those who do not serve me

i want to see the world outside of my own eyes

i am finally stepping into reality and facing the world head on; strong, fearful but my actions prove to be fearless

i need no one to be the person i want to be, but i do crave and yearn support and people to lean on

finally not putting all my eggs in one basket, finally not being the person to get someone straight before they meet their person

finally i am being put first and serviced and it feels amazing to the point of tears welling in my eyes as i type this poem

i am speaking not only from my mind and my heart, but also my soul

a soul that is slowly being crafted into the person i choose to be

coming from the depths of the ocean waters, rising out of the ashes, spreading my beautiful butterfly wings and flying out and about as God intended

a soil being watered, a seed planted before, waiting for something to blossom within me and it is breathtaking to experience first hand

the old me questioned whether i deserve it, whether i needed it

i sit with the discomforts of finally being comfortable

i put myself first and make something great of myself

i know my worth even on the dark days when my emotions get the best of me

i reach out and scream for help

i know i am no longer alone

and i look back to when I was barely alive and barely legal

the question no longer remains, i have an answer

but i always wondered, what would be worse: a gun to my face or a mirror?

and the gun was always easy, because the mirror was scarier

i didn't realize at the time that choosing myself was the best decision i had ever made

it meant more than just self esteem or finding friends or living for God

it meant finding myself, healing my wounds, letting myself breathe and feel for the first time in forever

my time is just beginning

i cherish every moment i figure something else about myself

my likes, my wants, my dreams, my desires

even if there is pain in between, I know now that it is nothing I cannot handle

and for the first time, I am crying tears of joy for myself 

I have found happiness

i have found joy

i have found rejoice and praise and worship

in the midst of the hurricane and the ongoing waves and the fire

getting through all the elements just to find peace in the earth; the ground that keeps me

finding peace with all the elements

making my garden an oasis

making my mind a place of paradise and rest instead of a dark and twisted confusion

i am still alice and I am still goth and i am still a fairy and i am still autistic

everything that makes up my mind I now see as beautiful 

and no one can ever take that from me again; not even myself

i won't allow it

this is what happens when love finally comes through

i am a person who needs to be loved, I am a person who gives love

love is everything and love can never be defeated

so, what's next?