Star Wars One-Shots

Obi-Wan's Biggest Regret

Obi-Wan Kenobi had accomplished a lot in his lifetime.

He had defeated Darth Maul as a mere Padawan. He had been a General in the Clone Wars - a skillful one at that - and had led his troops to many victories. He had saved the galaxy from a full potential Darth Vader. He had mentored Vader's son, Luke, who eventually ended the war once and for all. He had plenty to be proud of.

And yet, he didn't feel proud of himself at all. In fact, he regretted it. All of it.

He wished he had taken a different path in life.

He wished he had gone with her.

She had been his one true love, and yet he'd refused to leave the war for her.

He'd refused to follow his heart.

Anakin had followed his heart with Padme, and she had given birth to a son. He could have done the same, but as a Jedi, he'd been taught to not form attachments. And he hadn't had the courage to break the rules like Anakin did, so it never happened. But he wished it did happen. He would have lived the rest of his days as a much happier man if it did.

Looking back now, with many years of hindsight, he knew that he had made the wrong decision. His heart had been with her, so much so that her death still replayed itself in his mind 'till this day, many decades later. Even when he was a old man in Force ghost form, he still loved her. And that fact told him everything he needed to know.

Had he left the war with her, Maul wouldn't have killed her. He could have disappeared with her into some remote corner of the galaxy where Maul would never find him, away from the war, and raised a child in whatever small amount of peace there had been at that time. He could have encouraged Anakin to do the same, and raise his child alongside Obi-Wan. Maybe then Anakin wouldn't have turned into Vader... god, it hurt to think about what could've been. It really hurt to think about the fact that he'd spent his life fighting a pointless war for a emotionally stunted army with a lost cause.

The Jedi Order encouraged you to trust in the Force. But the Force had been telling Obi-Wan to leave the war with her and have a child. And he hadn't trusted in the Force that time, had he?

He had always hated wars. He felt that they accomplished nothing. So why had he continued to participate in the Clone Wars? Was he denying his love for her? Repressing his feelings perhaps? Did he want to show his loyalty to the Jedi Order? Or had it been something else altogether? He didn't know. And he really wished he had asked himself these questions years ago.

He had always hated fighting. It had worn out both his body and mind. All his war achievements were simply pointless. The one meaningful thing Obi-Wan Kenobi had wanted in life was a family. And he never got it.

In a way, he admired Anakin. Although Anakin had turned out the way he did, his courage to follow his heart, regardless of what the rules said, was something Obi-Wan now respected. He just wished he had respected it all those years ago, but he was so convinced he was the "master" that he had refused to accept the fact that, on occasion, his apprentice could teach him a thing or two.

When he was younger, he'd had PTSD about Vader, and had been convinced that training Anakin was the worst mistake he'd ever made. Now, he had PTSD about her, and knew that not leaving the war was the worst decision he'd ever made.

He'd wasted his entire life doing something he hated.

And knowing that hurt him more than Vader ever had.