Close Enough To Feel You [L.R.H]

Chapter 7

Luke Hemmings

I walked, and walked, and walked all the way to the beach for hours on end. Soon as I arrived I sat on the beach, feeling my toes in the sand. For one of the first times in my dead life, I felt alive again.

I felt that spark of feeling alive when me and Renee's fingertips touched. That's why I'm here, at the beach, alone.

I needed to get away, all of my feelings and thoughts sprung up on me out of nowhere. I've noticed many things about Renee already in the few weeks that I've known her. It's adorable how her eyes lighten up when she sees the stars.

She is absolutely beautiful, everything about her. Her green eyes, her long blonde hair, her freckles that dance across her skin. Its when I started noticing the little things that I knew I was fucked.

The way she twists the ring around when she's nervous, her small laugh when our conversations get awkward, her looking down when she doesn't know what to say. I started falling for her, and I know it's so soon, but I can't help it.

That's the reason I ran for a few weeks. I had to stop thinking about her, I had to stop being around her and have my feelings go away. But as bad as I tried, she was still on my mind the whole time.

I wondered if she missed me, waited for me outside of her job, holding a cigarette lighter just for me. I wondered if she ever took off the ring and acted like it never happened. I hated my thoughts, so that's why I came back. To Savannah, to my parents house, to Publix, and especially my ex-girlfriend's fling's apartment.

I walked through the door and looked around, that Michael dude or whatever his name was in the kitchen making a smoothie. The loudness of the blender made my ears bleed. I don't know how people do this in the morning.

I walked around his apartment quietly like he could definitely see me. I looked around his bedroom to see if there was any sign of her. Bathrooms, closets, anything that could see if they were still together or not.

But thankfully nothing, so I left. Soon as I walked straight through the door I locked eyes with the girl my mind couldn't stay off of. "Oh my god!" she yelled as she covered her mouth, "shhhh!" I responded. "What are you doing here?" she asked me as I got closer to her.

Then to make it more awkward, Michael opened up the door, "Renee are you okay?"

"yes.. Sorry I didn't mean to wake you", she nodded to his direction as he nodded and shut the door. I watched his every move, watching his eyes as she was in leggings that hugged her curves perfectly with a t-shirt covering the rest of her torso.

The morning went on as we went to the park as we argued. I barely listened to her as she spoke to me, I kept seeing the sunrise hit her complexions perfectly. But as I didn't respond to her question, she got up and started jogging away on the trail.

How am I supposed to respond to that?

"You can't fall in love with me, because you're dead. But you are, aren't you?"

It was true, well partially. I am dead, I can fall in love but I've chosen not to. That all changed though to when I jogged as fast as I could so I could be in front of her with the most amazing timing when she turned around to see if I was still on the bench.

She turned around as I was a few feet away from her. She stopped and took an earbud out of her ear and looked at me. "I hate to say this because I've only seen you, known you, watched you for a few weeks Renee but I am."

I paused, I didn't know where I was going with this but I did. "You are what.." she paused also. I hate how fast this has gotten but im having the sense that I do not care at all. When you know, you know.

"Falling insanely in love with you." I said we just stared at each other. We were both speechless as I said those few words. But I do what I do best, I vanish.

I turned around and let my dead feet take me away as quickly as they could. I heard her yell after me but it didn't stop me. I had to get away. I felt horrible, but what was I supposed to do in that situation?

Hold her? Not possible.

Kiss her? Not possible.

Have her? Not. Possible.

So I ran home, went inside and laid on my unmade bed for hours on end regretting telling her what I said.

Renee Silver

What the fuck just happened. I stood there for what felt like hours even though it was 2 minutes of me staring off into the distance watching him run away as I begged him to come back.

But did I run after him? No. Should I have? Maybe.

I continued my run around the trail until I couldn't feel my legs anymore, so I went back home, showered and laid in my bed until it was time to go to work again. Relive the same cycle as always, hope that he would be sitting on the carts as I locked the doors.

But as I did that long cycle, I locked the doors, turned around and there he was, holding a cigarette in between his fingers smoking it. Do I know how he lit it, no. I shook my head and started walking to my car, not giving him the attention that he wanted until he jumped down and went up to me.

"Renee" he started to say as I cut him off, "so you found yourself a new girl to light your cigarette for you. Can other girls you fall in love with see you now?" I said with no amusement as I unlocked my car ready to get in until I felt the car door shut but not by me.

I stared at my car door realizing I wasn't the one who shut it. I saw his hand on my car door as I looked over at him slowly. "I'm slowly being able to do all of this and I am absolutely terrified Renee."

"It was when I went to the beach, I was able to feel the sand, the water, seashells." he paused as he took his hand off of the door as I turned around, leaning against the door listening to him.

"I was able to pick up a fucking seashell and I shouldnt have been that excited but I was." he chuckled a bit and then he started to smile a little bit more. "I was able to pick up the sand, feel it against my fingertips, I felt like I'm slowly becoming alive again."

"I was able to pick up a lighter on the street, light my own cigarettes. Now closing your car door." he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say.

"You're making me feel alive again Renee." he said as he got closer to me again as his fingers got dangerously close to my hair that was covering my face. I closed my eyes not wanting to see his hands go through my hair and not being able to touch me, until I felt a piece of my hair go behind my ear.

"I'm falling for you Renee, and I just hope someday you'll fall for me too."