Winter Widow One Shots

Age of Ultron AU

She sat on the edge of her bed, hands gripping her hair. The memories she had worked so hard to repress were now so prominent in her mind. That girl, whatever she had done, had messed with her mind. Tore down walls and bridges, letting the pain wash away who Natalia had become. Pulling her under and trying to force her back into her old life.

"Again."

Madame B's voice ripped through her mind over and over again. The music pounding as she hit each mark but it was as never good enough. Always told to try again. And then there was the graduation ceremony. Being wheeled away and having choices ripped away from her. Things she had grown from but chose not to talk about. Things that she didn't want the others to know about her.

She had spent years putting up walls and moving on from her past and in one moment that girl had torn them all down in seconds. Whatever power she had was unlike anything they had ever faced. She hadn't cried in years, but here she was curled on her bed with tears streaming down her face. She tried to keep them quiet but in the end she knew others could hear the sobs.

Letting go of her hair she reached for the blanket behind her. She pulled the fabric tightly around her and sank back into the bed. She forced herself to breath, deep long breaths to slow her thoughts.

A soft knock at the door caught her off guard. She sat up, fingers gripping the gray fabric to keep it close to her.

"Natalia?"

Her heart skipped a beat, suddenly she was a teenager sneaking around to seek the comfort of her mentor. To curl up in his embrace and let the worries of the day go. She stood and took a hesitant step to the door before she thought about it. It was a memory. That was it, the girl had brought back terrible memories and many of them came from the same time she had known and loved him. Slowly she sank back onto the bed, fresh tears finding their way down her face.

"Nat, Steve he... He told me what happened."

"James?"

She sat up again wiping at the tears. The mixed memories were not only painful but frustrating to sort through. She couldn't take more, she needed to be on her best. The team needed her. This new threat, Ultron, they couldn't defeat him if they were all broken. She needed to get over it. She wasn't the only one affected.

"Natasha, I know what it's like to have someone mess with your mind. I know better than most. And if you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

Quietly she shuffled to the door. Her hand hesitated on the handle, but she opened it to see the man she had loved. The man she had fought to save.

His hair was pulled back, just like he did while they had trained. He wore a dark denim jacket over a hoodie. It was easy to change appearances in a crowd when you layered. He had taught her that. A black hat hid most of his face in deep shadows. He hadn't saved in some time and he kept his left hand tucked into his pocket. But he smiled, the same smile he had given her each night he opened the door.

"I hate when you call me Natasha."

She mumbled the words, lifting her eyes to meet his. He gave a soft chuckle and she reached for his hand. She trembled and reached up to wipe away tears that had formed and begin running down her face. Frustrated with herself that she couldn't stop them.

His fingers laced with hers and he pulled her in tight, where she finally gave in. She allowed the feelings to take over, drowning her, but he held her afloat. She clung to him and he tightened his arm around her. She knew he was being careful, just like the first nights. He had refused to use his metal arm, scared he might hurt her.

Her legs shook and she struggled to hold herself up, but ever observant he scooped her up, pinning her right arm between them. She nuzzled her head into his chest and closed her eyes. The steady beat of his heart calmed her, gave her something to focus on. He moved into the room the Barton's had kept for her, and laid her on the bed in the middle. She gripped at the fabric of his jacket, unwilling to let him go. If she did he would leave again.

He moved himself on to the bed next to her, instinctively she curled into his body, his left arm holding her waist and his right playing with the rouge curls around her face. She closed her eyes taking in his musky scent. She felt his own trembles as he tried to calm her. He had been through so much himself, yet here he was. Risking capture, simply to be there and comfort her.

If he had been there the day she graduated he would have done the same thing. Comforted the broken ballerina as she came to terms with what she had just lost forever. Held her as she cried, and done whatever he could to bring back the confident girl he had trained and loved, with out pushing her. But he hadn't been there. They had stolen him too. Only weeks before.

Why did their moments together always have to be lined with fear?

As the moment passed her breathing slowed, less frantic. Her grip on his skirt loosened, letting his muscles relax.

"Do you want me to leave so you can rest?" He spoke softly, whispering into her hair.

Natalia shook her head and looked up at him. "Please stay."

He nodded with a small smile and pressed his lips to her forehead. She played with the edge of his jacket, fingers dancing across the fabric.

"I never told Steve. How did he know?"

A pink blush crept up his cheeks and he reached his hand up to rub at the back of his head. An old habit he did whenever he was uncomfortable or uncertain, a habit that red room had tried to kill. But as they learned old habits die screaming.

"I did..." he shrugged and dropped his hand before continuing. "I remember most things, at least pieces of them. And then there are things I remember vividly. Red hair, flawless technique, perfect form...."

"That's not exactly vivid memories James. Any of those could have been noticed in Washington. Or Odessa."

He looked at her and raised his left brow. A wild smirk crossed his face and she felt a pounding her heart she hadn't for years. He leaned foreword, placing his hand on the back of her head and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Tingles started everywhere across her body, her fingers grabbing the fabric of his shirt and getting lost in it.

"But not that."

"No." She shook her head, her cheeks burning with hot blush. "Not that."