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11.Explaination

Hi! I'm writing there to calm you down a bit. The story still have a few chapters to go on, so please don't jump to conclusions too soon 🙈 But otherwise I hope so much you will enjoy this chapter ;-)

After the fight with Penny, I was so exhausted that I mentally felt grateful that my shift was over for the day and I could go home. Without thinking, I went straight to sleep, abandoning myself to dreams. I couldn't say what I was hoping for, but I guess I just wanted to hear the Penny I knew, even though the sadness in her voice tore at my heart because I knew I was the reason for it.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I found myself back in the same white hospital room, hanging with my consciousness from the ceiling and unable to do anything. I could only watch and listen. However, the room was empty, there was no one else except my lifeless body, still lying in bed. I listened for a while and, with great concentration, I heard voices coming from behind the door, probably from the corridor, but they were too muffled for me to understand whole sentences, although I managed to catch individual words. Someone said something about sleeping, treatment and care and several times repeated a statement that sounded suspiciously like: I don't know if there is any chance.

It all scared me a little and I breathed a sigh of relief when the voices stopped. A moment later the door opened and I saw movement even before my senses had sharpened and I was able to see my brother, who with a sigh fell heavily into the chair, still standing next to my bed as I remembered. Charlie rubbed his face with both hands, sighed before taking my limp hand in his and, taking a deep breath, muttered something sad under his breath, which I didn't hear, but the rest of my brother's words entered my mind without interruption.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Sam," Charlie sighed, leaning forward slightly. "Ever since you announced to everyone that you wanted to become a firefighter, each of us, both dad, mom and I, have been worried about you. That something might happen to you one day that you wouldn't be able to prevent," he recalled with sadness in his voice. I clearly remembered the day I got the answer from Cardiff Fire Academy that I had got in. My parents and Charlie were the first people I shared my fulfilled dream with, even though I hadn't previously only hidden it from Charlie. "I remember today how I caught you hiding your books under the bed so that our parents wouldn't worry. Now our parents are no longer with us, and at any moment I could lose you too" Charlie sighed heavily and for a moment I had the impression that the movement of his hand looked like he was wiping away a tear. "I don't have anyone as close as you anymore, Sam. Even neither Bronwyn nor Sarah and James know as much about me as you do. With you, I was always sure that I wouldn't have to say anything, you understood anyway," he sighed.

For me it was obvious, after all I was his older brother. So I've known him forever, all his life. Who was supposed to know him better than me? However, the confession of Charlie, who was not normally so expressive with his emotions, made my heart swell with pride that I had such a wonderful brother.

"But now that you're gone, you don't know how hard it is for me," Charlie sighed.

My pride evaporated like a balloon that had been deflated, and I felt suddenly sad at the thought of what this whole situation must have put on my brother's shoulders. I saw it in his attitude, even the way he spoke showed great uncertainty and fear. Was I really that bad?

"I'm afraid of what will happen when I wake up in the morning," he confessed. "And I can't sleep at night. I can't cope without you, Sam. You are and always have been a part of me, brother," he whispered tenderly.

If my consciousness were capable of crying, it is possible that I would shed a tear. Fortunately, my mind couldn't do that, and I was pulled out of my thoughts about Charlie's words by a new voice.