Newtmas Oneshots

it's going to be just fine

For every one shot that might be triggering (like this one) or something like that I'll put ⚠️ at the beginning of the story :)

Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture.

They eat you from the inside like cancer eats a body of an ill patient.
Good or bad memories, it doesn't matter. It can be trauma or just a simple thing that you did with your family or friends as a child.

It hurts. Every time you remember it. It's like a scar on your heart that opens every time you think of it, even if just accidentally. No one knows for sure why that happens but it just does.

Some people say that you should be happy it even happened in the first place.

But how can you be happy if it'll never happen again, knowing it's all your fault? That you could just say different things? Act differently?

His friends said that all he needs is time. Just time. Sounds simple.
...for them.

Newt wanted to slap them. Time heals everything they say. But that's the biggest lie ever.

They say that just to make him feel better. But Newt knew the truth. He was sad, destroyed and broken but not dumb.

It was his fault and he was aware of that.

He should've stopped him.
He should've been by his side.
He should've known better.
He should've acted differently.

But he didn't and Alby paid the price.

Days past by, full of tears, nightmares and unspoken words. He didn't let anyone in the house. Even a mailman couldn't reach him.

He was desperate for some company but at the same time he wanted to be left alone.

It was day 4 now. He hasn't eaten anything in that time. He had no appetite.

He lost a lot of pounds in the last few days. He deserved it. He deserved to starve and to not sleep.

He deserved to suffer.

He didn't deserve the second chance of living.

He didn't deserve anything good.

The phone rang again. Newt's gaze falls on the phone, seeing Minho's name appearing on the screen.

He sighs. Minho called him at least a hundred times today and Newt didn't pick up even once.

Newt counted one and one. Minho probably already knows what happened.
... or he just noticed Newt hasn't been seen several days now.

Newt didn't pick up because he knew he'd try to cheer him up. He'll try to get him outside, and make him happy. He'll try to make Newt to move on.

But the thing is.... Newt didn't want to move on. He didn't want to be happy.

He wasn't worth anything. Not anymore.

He didn't deserve to be happy.

Boom!

Suddenly a loud bang fills the house. He should've flinched in surprise but he was without any energy so he didn't directly process what even happened.

After a bang sound that came from outside, right behind the door, there was heard a loud "Owh, damnit!".

He slowly recognized the voice. But he still didn't care enough to go open the door and check what happened.

"Newt? I know you are inside! Get your little ass out here. You can't be here, dying inside, all the shucking week!!" The voice says. Of course it was Minho.