Lancel Lannister Imagines

The Faith P4

She was right, she was a temptation. And one that he thought he could ignore and overcome. He had not expected her confession, her words that still echoed in his head.

His heart continued to beat, pounding against his chest. "Lillyanna!" he called out. "Wait." It was a command, but his tone held no anger, no authority. Only pleading. "Please..." he trailed off. Did he want her to stay? Was her leaving really what he wanted? It is what the Gods wanted. The Gods are good and just... but his heart was begging him. The Gods wanted him chaste, but his heart desired not celibacy, not anymore.

she stopped in the centre of the step on the stone floor with the light shining in her from the stained glass of the seven-pointed star window

He took a few hesitant steps forward. His mind and body were torn. His body screamed out from the loss of her touch. His heart screamed out in prayer to pull her back into his arms. His lips were dry, as he tried to find the words to beg her to stay. "Please... Do not go."

"and stay? For what? To pray endlessly to gods who do not listen, to give me back the man I love ... Once they have taken him"

Her words stabbed into the pit of his stomach. His desires were not just with his body, he wanted her with his heart and soul. He wanted her love... But the Gods were above such feelings. The Gods were above lust and need. "We can..." He almost choked on the words. "We can... pray together."

"to what end Lancel? Am I to sit beside you and pray with you until the stranger claims us both?"

His eyes had been cast down, staring at her feet, unable to look at her face. At the way the light cast by the stained glass fell upon her hair. She was everything the Gods would call an abomination on earth, and yet... He loved her.

She spoke truthfully. There was no way to live the life he wanted. Even if he had her, in secret, eventually the Gods would punish them, and she would suffer for it. "Until the Stranger claims us both." He repeated. "Even if such an end is what our love would cause."

"so that's it, you walked away from me when I loved you so endlessly only to return and not want all we had once promised. You ask me to sit beside you and pray for the rest of our days for hope of somewhere else beyond. That's cruel Lancel. To ask me to sit never touching, never kissing, never showing the love I feel for you. To live a life in secret hand holds and be whipped for the sin of looking. That is not a life I want Lancel... That is not the life we wanted"

The words were like a punch to the gut. And yet what else was he supposed to desire? His faith told him he was not supposed to feel physical love. And yet his heart yearned for her. How was he supposed to reconcile these two parts of him? The pious servant of the Gods... and the man. "What life do you want..." he asked quietly. "What life should we have?"

"the life we dreamt all those years ago, to kiss, to hold one another, to love each other, to wed, to take up Casterly rock or storms end, to raise children, grandchildren, watch the sunrise every morning that the gods allow us to. You say how you feel the need for purpose that the gods must have let you live for a reason... What if it... Was just to live"

Every word was another knife to his insides. He wanted to agree... he wanted to grab her and kiss her and never let her go. To accept her offer and let the Gods take them away... But his heart... the pious man still struggled upon its foundations. She was an abomination, a beautiful seductress sent to lead him astray. He could not give in to lust just because it felt good. "How can it just be to live?" he responded. "How can that truly satisfy?"

"to live. To be. To exist in this place, this realm, this time. To live a full life. To eat and drink and breathe, to make a new life that will continue long after you're gone... Why does life have to have a point? Can't it just be to be thankful to be alive!"