Doubts - Regretful ex-Fiancé

Chapter 3

I was seated inside of my car. Eyes closed, hands holding the steering wheel desperately. I have this urge to fly away... to cry for help. I am trying so much to control my breath and to remember all the tricks I've used in the past.

I want so much just to be in peace. Why can't I live in peace?

No one is here to help. It's just me and my gun.

I know how to fight. I am no black belt but I know enough to do some damage. I didn't want to do that. I was feeling terrified to be here alone... But who would come on my aid? I doubt the police would be willing to come in this filthy dump I am about to enter.

Forget about the badass female leads from the movies doing unthinkable things without any fear. In real life the fear is like a second skin embracing all your being. I remember this feeling so well. Many times I hid myself from men, absolutely sick with fear and only fought when there was no other choice.

I don't want to experience any of this. I am scared.

I am so scared.

I tried calling Jonathan three times before coming here. I was desperate enough to humiliate myself and ask for his help. He didn't answer or return my calls. The third call did not even go through.

I understand he wants nothing to do with me. He absolutely hated my guts.

I cried so much after this. The only man I loved, the only man who ever protected me... he was nothing now. I was alone in this battle.

I know I will probably get hurt. My height is only 1,63 m and I weight about 75 kg. I am not petite so I can take some beating, but not much.

Breathing slowly I try to calm myself down. I was going inside now. Lily used to live in this block of cheap apartments and I needed to enter the place to find anything I could about her. Maybe she would be home?

For this occasion I dressed myself with black clothes. My gun is in the back of my jeans. I have a knife in my boot and some pepper spray on my pocket.

I get out of the car looking attently to the streets and start to sneak swiftly in the buildings direction. I parked a bit away from the location so my car wouldn't be noticed. My heart is racing so fast and a rush of adrenaline is cursing through my body.

When I am nearer, there are all kinds of strange people mingling in the surroundings. I try to walk with confidence, like someone who has business here. I even use my "bad bitch" face wanting to avoid company.

Unfortunately, the men in this area are not too bothered by any of this and one of them, looking very much drunk and filthy, approaches me with a dirty look.

"Hey, yo. Fresh meat. How much you cost?" He says, trying to grab my arm. He is taller and scary.

I jump out of his way and take a combative stance, pointing one finger on his direction.

"Fuck off or I will cut your balls off, fucker." Please, don't mind my bad bitch persona. "Don't dare touch me. Fuck off right now. I am not interested." For good measure a spit in the ground.

He seems absolutely surprised with my words and stumbles in my direction, cussing:

"Yo bitch! No bitchies talks to Willie like this. I know how to do you..."

He tries to grab me forcefully but I jump again and punch him direct in the stomach and again in the chin.

He yells like the little bitch he is and falls with his face down. I walk over him, ignoring the laughs from others who just enjoyed the altercation and did nothing to help me.