Whispers of Fate

xix

I didn't mean to leave him alone in bed. It was never my sort of thing, to sleep with someone and then disappear without a second thought but in this case I had my reasons.

I woke up before Teo, never really falling asleep. After we'd given in and finally allowed ourselves to be together fully we had fallen, panting but happy, back onto the mattress. He had slipped into dreams within five minutes but I had lay awake, my thoughts racing at a thousand miles an hour.

What had we just done? Why had we crossed the line so quickly after restraining ourselves for so long? This was quite possibly the most inconvenient timing in the world to take our relationship to the next step. It would be borderline impossible to maintain a romantic connection when I was going to be in a different continent, we knew that from experience. Now, we couldn't even stay in contact as friends because there would be the lingering hope of something more in the back of our minds.

Unless... I allowed my mind to dance around a particular idea, moulding it until it was a more realistic scenario. I came to the conclusion that if we cut out any chances of us continuing this fling before it grew into an actual situation then maybe, just maybe, in a few months he would forgive me for what I was about to do and we could return to the status we'd had before.

These thoughts were why, at four thirty in the morning, I crept silently from his bed and sat at his kitchen table, scribbling away at a writing pad I'd taken from his bookshelf.

Teo, I hope you can understand that I am not leaving because I've gotten what I wanted from you. I haven't got what I wanted from you at all; actually I've gotten the opposite. I wanted us to remain friends whilst I went away so that we didn't ruin the fragile relationship we've been building together. I was hoping that, when the timing was right, then we could try and start something. You're just so important to me, if I believed in twin flames I would say you are mine. If I believed all of the reasons for love in the world you would be the reason I understood them. It is you and always has been. I just need more time darling. I'm not willing to risk losing our friendship yet. Such a distance between us could very easily be our downfall. It may be selfish to make a decision that affects both of us when I'm making it alone but trust me, it's the right one. You have my number, I am begging you to use it.

Always yours,

Grace

I chewed at the pen as I reread the note, making sure it said everything I wanted it to. Then I folded the paper into an origami heart, the way I used to do it when I was sending him love letters, and placed it directly in the middle of the table.

As I moved to leave I didn't give myself a chance to turn back, to think twice about my decision. It was best for both of us.

By the time Teo woke up alone and stood leaning against the counter, head in hands as he read the note, I was already on the plane on my way to New York and as far away from us as I ever had been before.

I always found moving into a new apartment jarring. No matter how many times I did it, I will never get used to the feeling of looking around at the blank walls and empty rooms, then at the piles of boxes next to you and the rising anticipation of the exhaustion that was due to follow hours of unpacking.

It was nice, the apartment I'd been given. I would give the company that. Tall windows, much like the ones in my French flat, but these were more modern. They covered most of the walls, giving me a fairly impressive view of the New York skyline.

It consisted of a living room/kitchen, bathroom attached to a bedroom and a small walk-in-wardrobe. It wasn't huge but in some ways I preferred the more intimate feeling of a smaller space.