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" this is a happy house. "
NEEDED ME * HOUSE OF BALLOONS • THE WEEKND
My alarm rang again for a third time. I gave in after a few minutes of more bed rotting and sat up with a groan. I scratched my scalp through the fabric of my silk pink bonnet. I reached for my phone and went straight to my Bible app.
After 15 minutes of meditation on today's word i pushed the covers off my legs. I sat on the edge of my bed in silence. This was my routine. I sat on my bed and imagined i was sitting on the edge of a pool. Calm. Happy. Relaxed. I'd push off and fall into the water with a splash. I'd be fragile and elegant. Like a mermaid. I would be the one in control. Me and the water would be one. One thought, one breath, one soul.
Serenity.
My eyelids peeled open slowly. I had a pretty good life and i was more than grateful for it but, i couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness from the empty hole in me that used to store passion and drive.
Happiness. Motiviation.
I looked around my apartment. I had the privilege to say i had my own apartment. In New fucking York with a view right over Manhattan.
What the actual fuck was wrong with me seriously.
A dizzy spell hit me as hard as a brick when i stood up. I grabbed my tripod and set it up in the bathroom. I counted the 3 second countdown sound under my breath. "Hey guys get ready with me for another day for me as an influencer living in New York."
I splashed water on my face. I used a bunch of products that were overpriced and didn't even clear my skin but, i was getting paid for it so what the fuck, right?
I stripped out of my pyjamas in front of the mirror. I started off on my chest trailing down to nipples and taking a turn to my stomach. My fingertips danced from there to my hipdips to the light trace of hair on my pussy. I squeezed the meat on my thighs. To other's my ass was fat. My boobs were big, my stomach was flat and my hips were what shakira was talking about.
To me i had a 3 month pregnancy bump, saggy titties, fucking dentured hips and thighs that didn't even grow that big in size when i sat down.
I wasn't insecure no. I never felt any type of sadness when at my body. I just liked to pick out what was...odd.
I stepped into the shower not bothering to take my bonnet off.
