Repentance

001 . . . . the portal

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CHAPTER ONE:

❝ The Portal ❞

Esme had not talked to Nico since the boat incident. It felt so odd to refer to it as an incident because really, it was the lack of. Not that the ship going down with the death of dozens of Shadowhunters didn't constitute of as an incident. It's just that nothing had happened on that boat. Absolutely nothing at all. So Esme couldn't comprehend why every time she scrolled past his name on the phone or passed by him in the Institute's hallway, she couldn't bring herself to strike up a conversation. Something felt shameful and guilty in her.

"Should I take this one or this one?"

Esme looked up from staring at a spot on the ground back to Isabelle who stood holding up two pieces of clothing which looked like something Kate Beckinsale from Underworld would wear. Esme screwed up her face, "Aren't you going to like the Shadowhunter parliament or something? Isn't this too sexy?"

"Nothing's ever too sexy, Esme," Isabelle chided, shoving both garments into a bag beside her weapons. Esme's eyes lingered on them before the familiar shape of her dagger dug into the back of her skin. Nico's dagger. Not hers. It could never be hers. "Did you hear me?" Esme's attention snapped back towards Isabelle. "Esme, I said nothing's ever too sexy. But some things are too dull to be even considered on the scale of sexy. Take that shirt for example." Isabelle pointed at what Esme was wearing.

Esme grumbled. It was a Princess Leia graphic t-shirt. It was perfectly sexy. She felt something hit her in the face and recoiled. It slid down and she grabbed it. "Try this." Esme wasn't sure what this was.

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't fit me anymore." Isabelle grabbed her arm. For her lanky build, she was surprisingly strong. She pulled Esme to her feet and pushed her towards the bathroom. "Try it on. It's sexy!"

Esme knew any protests to Isabelle's whims were futile. She pulled her shirt over her head and stared at the black material in her hands. It was built like a corset with a loop for her neck, or so she assumed. She could be wrong. The material was some weird mix of spandex and leather and before Esme could think any further about all the reasons why this isn't something she would normally wear, she pulled it over her head. It fit her with a little fussing and she zipped up the side, staring at herself in the mirror. Her arms were on full display and so was a small of her stomach. Under the bright white light, she could make out the scars that littered her skin. Small bumps where they had healed, thin white lines that wrote her story. Sexy, Isabelle's words rang in her head like a freight train heading for a dead end. She could never be sexy. Her father made sure of that. She could never be loved by anything other than him. In trying to fix her, he had ruined her even more.

The sound of crashing came from outside, followed by a string of profanities in Isabelle's voice. Esme yanked the door open, worried. "What happened? Are you okay?" Words tumbled out of her before she took in the scene. Isabelle sat on the floor, Church in her hands and a feather boa around her neck. The contents of her duffle lay spread all over the floor.

"Devil cat," Isabelle cursed. "Out to get everyone." Esme chuckled as Church slipped out from Isabelle's grip and slinked around the blonde's ankles. "How is it that he likes you?"

The sound of the door opening cut off whatever response Esme had conjured up. Nico leaned in, hair ruffled good-naturedly. He was dressed in all black, his jacket zipped up to his throat. Since last week's cold snap, the weather had gotten warmer and Esme wondered how he didn't feel hot wearing it. His eyes traveled the room in amusement, the newer scar over his right eyebrow glinting under Isabelle's lights, then settled over Esme.