★彡{𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬}彡★

wake up

HELLO MY LITTLE FUCKING CUTIE PATOOTIES

i have a new book called *one step forward, three steps back* its based off that baller song by olivia rodrigo from like 3 years ago. it's a matt fanfic (as a chris girl that may be illegal) BUT ANYWAYS we aren't talking about that story we're talking bout this oneee

TW: nightmares, anxiety, swearing, mentions of SH, wounds, fluff

"there come the bar icecream-cream-cream-cream yuh got a lot of money got a lot of cars bitch im the bar icecream coming through with bars ay yeah all iced out but i got no cream call pista cuz i got green melt some grape up in my lean may be cool but i bring the HEAT"        - danny gonzalez, 2018

song of the chapter: 

{while you were sleeping

bewitched

laufey}

matt's pov:

i can't fall asleep that night. i should've let chris come in my room. so i get up out of my bed and walk down the hall to chris' room. I walked in like a little kid telling their parents they just threw up. chris doesn't seem to notice me, but i can tell he's awake, as he has the covers over his head with the light of nothing other than a phone shining on it. 

i sneak up on him and yank the blanket off his face. i notice on his phone that he must be texting someone, but immediately closes out of the messages app and turns off his phone.

"hey matt." he says, scooching over so i can lay down. i jump onto the bed, scaring him a little, making him punch my shoulder playfully. i give him a hug and wait to feel the hug back. it doesn't come.

"chris, you good?" i ask him.

"yeah im just...just thinking about katey." he says, staring at the popcorn ceiling. 

"chris, just tell her tomorrow." i tell him.

"okay...but how?" he asks.

"just come straight out and say it, you don't need to hint at anything or hide from telling her anything." i tell him.

"okay." he says, hugging me back.

after a couple of minutes i find myself drifting off into sleep.

when i "wake" up i find myself in my own bed, but it doesn't seem right. it feels distorted and fake. "matt wake the fuck up!" chris yells at me, sitting on chair on the other side of the room. "when was that there?" i ask him, indicating the unfamiliar piece of furniture he's sitting on.

i look up at him and see him holding a clipboard with a pen and adjusting his glasses. i look back down at my bed and feel myself change rooms. to a therapist's office. im sitting in a generic sofa bench. "matt what the fuck are you doing with your life? wake up." wake up. wake up. wake...up.

i close my eyes as tight as i possibly can. when i open my eyes, i see nothing but the blade i found under my dad's car when i was 13. i walk towards the blade, reaching for it. i cant tell what happens next, but i see scars on my arms, and bright red blood flying from everywhere. not just my forearms, but from literally everywhere. is scream as i loud as i can for nick, chris, anyone. the black and red void shatters in front of my eyes, as i see chris and nick standing before me.

i still have the scars on my forearms. they don't speak to me until i ask them what they're doing. "none of your business, ugly." nick says. "why are your arms so skinny?" chris says. "why are you so stupid?" nick asks. "why are you so selfish?"