YOURS TRULY

Chapter 18: Habit

Me receiving gifts, was such a rare phenomenon. I rarely get gifts, even in days I am supposed to get one. So the package I received brought nothing but burden to me. Was I mistaken for someone else? Did they put my name on the package by mistake?

It need no rocket science to know that the product was expensive. The material, the packaging, the brand itself was shouting that it was something that I could never afford even in my dreams. It was clear that it was more expensive than my many months salary combined.

When Minjee hinted that chief might be the one after the gift my entire emotion got flipped. The initial burden was replaced with the feeling of worthlessness. Was my worries for him so miniscule that he thought it needs compensation? It felt like my feelings for him were calculative. How easily he placed the price on the horror I felt just with the thought of losing him forever.

I had to give it back to him, the gift/ price whatever you wanna call it, it made me feel more pathetic with every passing seconds. The feeling was so overwhelming I just barged in his cabin. I wanted to ask him questions that were almost forbidden, do I look that greedy and calculative in his eyes? Did my worries really bore any signs of wanting rewards for something that anyone with conscious mind does?

I had a lot of questions in my mind, a lot of things I wanted to tell him. All I could afford though was to beg him to take his gift back. Yes 'Gift' that's how it was quoted but if you ask me though, it was an encumber that was too much for me to bear.

No, he didn't take it back,"it's rude to return as well as take gift that has been given" he said. Even if as a gift something like this was way too much for me to accept without a thought. I kept on trying to make him understand that it was too much and I had done nothing to receive such an item as my personal possession.

I underestimated him and his skills. He convinced me on taking his gift. When he said I deserve it for sure and us having the conversation at that moment was sole reason enough to prove why I deserved it. Like it will ease my mental toll he told me it was not that expensive because it was a commission work and maybe it did kind of made me feel at ease somehow. It hurt a bit but I was still relieved. Of course, why would he pay thousands of dollars for someone like me?

I could see it in his eyes, the satisfaction he had after I agreed to take the gift, he must have been proud to be able to convince me or something, I guessed. I didn't take the gift because I was convinced though, I took it because I knew there is no escape from it anymore. I internally promised myself that I will return his favour for gift someday, somehow.

It came as even more surprising when he said he has more to give me. How nonchalantly he pulled out the well wrapped square box waiting for me to receive it as well and open it up. I knew by now that it was useless to argue and ask him to not do such impulsive things as giving expensive gift. It may have been conscious or subconscious thought process but I had said it even before I could comprehend what I said.

"Don't tell me it's some expensive ring you gonna propose me with because I saved you," I don't know where I got that level of confidence to phrase it that way but I said it as a sarcastic remark. I was not ready for him to actually go along with it. "Maybe, why don't you open it up and see for yourself" he said. My heart did a weird jump in my chest, I knew despite my growing feelings for him, the feeling ever being mutual was beyond the reality. Even as a mockery when he said it my heart kind of swelled with happiness. A happiness that was also a mirage, a false dream.

I opened the box and I'm being honest when I say it was the most beautiful gift I have received from someone. If that plain white expensive piece of fabric the symbol of obligation, something that did not gave the feeling of sincerity, the small snow globe in my hand was oozing with the warm feeling. Without realising I was getting emotional, for some reason that made me want to cry but at the same time I couldn't help but smile as widely as possible.