Random Sanders Sides dabbles

Not good enough (Virgil angst)

   Virgil stares up at the ceiling a million thoughts going through his head at once. It doesn't matter how hard he tries it will never be the same as one of them. They'll always be picked over him and it doesn't matter how much effort he puts in they'll always be better. How is he supposed to compete with the sides that have always been loved and listened to. They've always been the ones that Thomas turns to before anyone else. Especially Patton. They all turn to him when they want something, and they'll always take his side. Everyone would rather see Patton than him. He will never be the first choice, ever. He'll never be the one that is listened to before anyone else, and he'll never be good enough for them. 

   He can plead and do every little thing they tell him to, and it still won't make a difference. They will still just see him as anxiety, an enemy. They still see someone who only wants to harm Thomas even though that was never true. Never had he purposely wanted to harm Thomas, he was only ever doing what he had to. But now they will never see him as anything else.  It doesn't matter how many times he helps Thomas through a panic attack or how many times he listens to the others' problems and help them through it. They still will only ever see the negative. He can listen to them for hours, but they will never listen to him. He can never spill his troubles to anyone but his walls. They'll listen, but they never talk back. He just wished he had someone he could talk to, to confide in. But then again no one wants to listen to his problems. 

   So again, he stares up at his ceiling mumbling his troubles to the walls. They will never be truly heard but at least they won't be in his head anymore. He can get some sense of relief, even if it's just barely. Even if he is still driving himself insane. He doesn't know how much longer he can last before he goes crazy or explodes. He's been holding so much inside of him all these years. . . what would happen if he just let it out?  The day he finally snaps would surely be a sight to see. There would be no one in his path that he wouldn't have one thing or another to say about them. He has something on every single person, but no one knows that he truly listens to everything they tell him. He never lets those things go. He may not tell a soul about the secrets, but he still carries them deep inside of him. He holds everyone's weight on his shoulders. It weighs him down every day and almost drowns him other days. But he never tells anyone else that, barring the weight in silence.