[BL]After Transmigration I Became The Villainous Consort. [穿越后， 我成了恶妃]

Chapter 63

Li Yan suddenly spat out blood onto Deputy Martial Shen Hao's military report that he had been reading. Zhangsun who stood by, silently tightened his jaws.

"Your Majesty, please stop drinking pills to prolong your life."

Li Yan nodded slowly, pulling out his handkerchief from his chest lapels and wiped away his blood stained lips.  "So you knew it all along, didn't you?"

"Always..." Zhangsun spoke in a slightly hoarse voice. "I saw you secretly take them since you cracked your spiritual core for the sake of saving Zhanhua..."

"Were I too careless, or did I underestimate you?" 

"..."

Li Yan sighed. "Zhangsun, that can't be helped. My time is near. I can already feel it. I highly doubt if I could survive even three months let alone three more years. I have no choice."

"Forgive this subordinate for being bold. But that's why I told Your Majesty to stop drinking life prolonging pills. Though it buys time, it has it's own side effects."

Li Yan smiled emptily. He suddenly remembered his last life. Didn't he use the same pills to keep dying Shen Nuo alive? He shook his head gently. What a fate? 

"Zhangsun, If I had stopped drinking them, I would be already dead." Then he tilted his head to the side to look at Zhangsun with a smile. "Who will be there to sacrifice for the sake of your safety if your phoenix sage dies an early death of sudden illness?"

Zhangsun lowered his head, swallowing. His eyes were slightly red at the ends. "This subordinate told you not to save Zhanhua back then. Saving a life is important. But first you must be alive to keep others safe. Wasn't it that injury Zhanhua gave you got worsened with time? You must have successfully fooled Martial Shendu and hidden it from him. But, now you only have one way to stop everything bad from happening." He knelt on the cold tiles. "Please reconsider this matter, Your Majesty!"

Li Yan took a deep breath. "And that would be to master the last technique from the Phoenix Scroll, isn't it?" He said in a low voice. "That technique I had been avoiding for ages without mastering?"

Zhangsun didn't say anything.

But Li Yan thought what Zhangsun said before was very reasonable. A phoenix sage wasn't originally allowed to marry and live a life of entanglements. They must follow the path of celebacy and keep themselves pure and clean. But Li Yan had no siblings so he had to accept the throne and have children to secure the future of his state.

But now he had to master the last part of the phoenix scroll which means, he must definitely refrain from worldly pleasures and entanglements.

"Either way is to loose something, isn't it?" He spoke. "So doing it won't make a difference anyway. Sigh! This time it's really my duty to let go of my obsessions and think about my people."

"..."

"Once Prince Altai said that I'm no different than a corpse. He said I don't know what feelings are. He said I don't know how to smile. He said I don't know what it is like to love and care for someone... He said no one would miss me after my death, also true." Li Yan laughed gently. "Now I understand the true meaning of what he said." 

Zhangsun pursed his trembling lips. "I would miss you..."

Li Yan smiled again. "Zhangsun, do you still remember the day you met me first?"

"Yes" Zhangsun said hoarsely. "Your Majesty was seven back then. I was only five. Your Majesty picked me up from the roadside when I was dirty in rags with no one to care for me."