Sleepwalking

Cuddling with Baby Cub

The next week, I was in Baltimore, Maryland with Zander. I was so glad to have him back in my care. I couldn't sleep a wink while Zander was with Owen. It finally felt like a boulder was lifted off my shoulders. 

“Can’t get me,” said Zander as I heard him running through the house.

“Oh yeah? I’m gonna get you” Alex laughed as he chased after Zander. 

“Can’t get me” Zander, repeated, laughing

Tears ran down my face as I looked at the screen of my laptop. It killed me knowing that my decision was going to take Owen out of our lives but I thought that it’s what was best for us. I had to think about Zander, not what Owen wanted. I wanted Owen in his life but he was dangerous and I didn’t want anything to happen to Zander. Alex pushed the door open causing me to be pulled from my thoughts. 

“Are you okay?” Alex asked as I shook my head no, not being able to stop the tears.

“Mama?” Zander questioned, appearing at the door. I got up and staggered towards the window so Zander didn’t see me crying. 

“Come on, buddy. Let’s give your mama some time to herself” I heard Alex say as he grabbed Zander by the hand and shut the door. I continued to cry as I stared out the window at the dark gray sky. The rain poured, sliding down the window pane as it came down hard. I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I turned from the window and powered down the laptop, leaving it on the desk to charge. I headed out of the office and trekked down the hall to hear Alex and Zander talking. 

“Is mama okay?’ Zander asked.

“She’s going to be okay,” Alex reassured him.

“But she crying” 

“Your mama is just going through some stuff. She’ll be okay. Jack is going to be over later. You like him, don't you?” Alex asked. 

“Jack is fun,” Zander said as he smiled.

“He is, isn’t he? He’s my best friend” Alex picked up Zander and sat him on the couch. 

“He's been your best friend for a long time?”

“He has,” Alex answered. 

I quietly headed through the kitchen and up the carpeted stairs to the guest room when I flopped down on the bed just as my phone vibrated. I pulled  my phone out, seeing that it was Jack, trying to video call. I shook my head as I threw it on the nightstand as it vibrated again. If I could talk, I’d be screaming into my pillow at this point. What part doesn’t he get, I can’t talk or communicate except through texting. My thumb on my right hand was already getting blisters from using so much just from texting. 

I don't remember falling asleep but apparently I did. When I woke up I was lying on my right side with the covers pulled up. My back was facing the wall and I was facing the window. The aroma of pizza woke up my senses as I looked around the room. The boxes of pizza sat on top of the dresser and Jack was sitting on the other side of the bed with his legs propped up, 

“Hi, are you hungry?” Jack asked. I rolled my eyes, pushing the blanket off of me. I got up slowly and headed out of the room , slamming the door behind me and limping my way down the stairs, making as much noise as I could to try to get Alex’s attention. 

“Autumn?” I heard Alex as he came around the corner, coming out of the living room into the kitchen.

“Why is he here?” I mouthed out to Alex, pointing up stairs.

“He just wanted to come check on you” Alex explained. 

“I don’t want him here” I continued to mouth out.