Wally Wonks is a vaguely tall guy (for where he comes from) and has a human face and body but his vibes strikingly resemble Wall E. He has autistic swag, an awkwardly cold tsundere demeanour and a raging hyperfixation on marine biology.
"Wally! Are you ready to go? Your breakfast's getting cold!" yells mother. "First day of school, up and at 'em! The magical carriage is already waiting!"
Wally scrambles out of bed, quickly showering, brushing his straight white (unlike him) manly (like him) teeth, and hastily pulls on a drippy outfit of extremely baggy pants, unbelievably oversized coat and a vaguely old-fashioned flannel shirt. He looks like a homeless trash man, in a babygirl way. He grabs a piece of toast, putting it in his mouth and running off to catch the magical dark evil mirror carriage.
ON THE CARRIAGE
Wally sits at a window seat and looks out at the scenery in a very brooding and handsome way (A1: what tf does that mean A2) for about half a minute. Then he pulls his phone out of an inner pocket, starts shrimping and plays knockoff Tetris.
By the time Wally finally gets close to level 8 (the stupid rocks kept on messing him up) (A2: LOL you don't know how Tetris works) (A1: yes i do there are levels it just gets faster), the carriage has reached the magical place called (A1: i still dont know this A2 help :cries:) Night Raven College.
He goes outside and looked at the beautiful landscape; the school is surrounded by (A1: i swear if you tell me that the school is in a swamp A2) nice trees and stuff.
"Wow, this is place looks so much nicer than I thought it would!" says a random voice behind him.
"Ui ma! You scared me! But yeah, it does look nice. I hope the people here are nice too," replies the one and only Wally Wonks.
"Yeah, me too, what's your name by the way? Mine's Jake, that nerd over there's my twin Lina." The random person, Jake, says, pointing to a girl, Lina , carefully studying the leaves around them.
"Oh, cool, nice," Wally nods in a cool and handsome way. "My name is Wally Wonks. Pleased to meet you."
"Well hello then Wally, wanna walk with me and my sis to the school?" Jake says casually.
"Yeah, yeah sure, why not, kyun nahi kyun nahi" Wally says, in the most chill way possible (and he was not panicking over talking with new people)
"Hey, Lin! C'mere, I made a new friend" Jake shouts back to the girl, who's still studying the plants.
The girl, jump-scared, snaps out of her trance and then looks up angrily at her twin, rushing towards him.
"Hello my good friend Lina and my good friend Jake whomst I've met just now," Wally says, trying to play off his awkwardness as intentional eccentricity.
"Hello there, what's your name?" Lina says, awkwardly trying to hide her annoyance at her brother.
"My name is Wally Wonks." Wally states, with the comically solemn air of a Gogolian bureaucrat.
"Well then, since you guys have now officially met, lets head to the school now, shall we?" says Jake.
The walk to the school is uneventful (well, except for the one time Jake decided to scare them both and ended up being chased down the rest of the way, but we don't need to talk about that)
They then arrive at the holding room (A1: wtf do you call those) before the sorting ceremony. There stands a crowlike man with black hair, a mask, and a smile which is supposed to look kind but comes off as insufferably smug.
"Greetings, one and all, welcome to your new life at Night Raven College. I am pleased to introduce you to NRC. I am the Headmage, Dire Crowley. Behind me is the Dark Mirror; it will tell you which dorm will be your home for the rest of your time here, based on the quality of your soul. The dorms are based on the Great Seven: the benevolence of the Sea Witch, the tenacity of the King of Beasts..."
As Crowley keeps yapping, Wally tries his best to pay attention, but his mind wanders. He finds himself wondering which dorm he will get sorted into.
AFTER CROWLEYS SPEECH
"Without further ado, let the sorting begin!" (A1: oh look we in harry potter now)
"Axeley, Aaron: Savanaclaw!"
...
"Foxx, Jake: Heartslabyul!"
"Foxx, Lina: Pomefiore!"
...
"Wonks, Wally: Octavinelle!"
...
After the sorting is over, the students step into their dorms respective mirrors. Wally walks towards it in measured steps, pokes the surface of the portal with his finger, takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, does some discreet shadow boxing to hype himself up, prepares to take a confident step in—
—and promptly trips over a little step that he didn't know was there, falling into the mirror.
YOU ARE READING
Hello my name is Wally Wonks
FanfictionSemi-serious crack fic set in the world of Twisted Wonderland. Cross posted from AO3, where I coauthored it with my friend. WIP "Today was Wally Wonks's first day at his new school, Night Raven College; who knew that this school would be where he fi...
