BBB Beyond Belief Bond

part 9

  Internet connects human. Online world gave me a hkoni who is not with me even though I can see him on internet and that’s enough for me still I wish it would be fun if he is in front of me, how fun. When I’m able to see him every day as my hope, even I don’t know that much about you because you are celebrity, you have restriction you can’t show your hkonial side on cameras. I’m okay with your camera videos and what else I want. I want you always show yourself on camera so that I can learn a lot from you. I know this much about you but you don’t know anything about me, so considering you gave me permission I’m starting my introduction, 19’s kids but feel like I born yesterday I’m younger by 2 years 2months 9 days than you. Our first meeting was on google I saw you first time on google then you came in my gallery.
  Human say, a human came in your life during your worst period and inspire you to stay strong regardless of online or offline that hkoni is send by universe to you, you come and told me to stay strong in my worst period. I was just living a life without any purpose. Your performance is a remainder for me that I must give my all to my every activity, I’m doing, even though I’m not perfect or unaware of it. Energy you put in your performance encourage me to stay energetic.
  As time passes I get to know, my habits are unique, similar to your but now they are same as they shown on internet. Wait, I tell you what I find same but before that I tell one difference, you said in one video, that you didn’t lived your childhood but talking about me, I only lived childhood fullest. Yes, happiest, full of enjoyment, playing all the day, in school till my 10th after 10th I didn’t get friends who play with me, even in 10th my friends don’t want to play, that was strange for me. I’m madly in love with playing mostly when there is not much audience. Now I tell you, habits of my same as yours. Playing badminton, even when you wake up me at 1am, 2am or 3am, anytime I’m ready to play a badminton 24/7 I’m ready. I love playing badminton, I wanted to become badminton player.
  In childhood I was the perfect and best player of a team. Everybody was from my side. I remember when there were two teams like when we play football two teams in games if I’m in team A then team B was like, “ohm we will loose game,” as I grow I never lost my player in me, it still come out, but something stops me from doing this all activities. That was happiest days of my life. Today I’m ready to play but friends not ready. I think everybody should play no matter what your age is, don’t think about society because society is made by you and if every “you” will support playing society support playing. You want to sing to make other human happy and I get to know this but I already always wished this. I love singing because when I sing I feel complete in myself and spreading happiness to all through my singing hoping I can make someone forget their pain by listening my song.
  Your shyness same as my, the way you smile, I can saw perfectly myself. You feel shy to talk girls and I feel shy to talk to boys, but you being called playboy because you talk in front of camera not in front of real girl, then like this I’m also same, I can talk even flirt I really don’t say much because I didn’t try this stunts. You feel shy to talk girls and feel confident sometimes, me also same. If I don’t use social media I delete it, recently I get know, you also do same. I don’t like texting or calling with my friends but I really miss him.
  You are the hkoni who connected me to my purpose of life. If I was born as boy then I definitely wear, cloths as you wear, but I’m girl and that’s cool. When I was in my first year of college. I was 17 year or 18 in between, I remember I got a fever 2 days was passed and I not eat anything not even drink, mother was worrying to much about me, that time I never realized my mother’s pain but today when I see back my mother was crying from inside.
  I look like your countries girls, on the other side I saw videos yours, you look like my countries boys when you wear cloths as my country boys wear. Don’t think I’m just matching these I’m just telling what’s my things are similar to yours.
  I know you but you don’t know me
  I’m here but you are not here
  You are there but I’m not there
  Our bond is unconditional
  Not connection but still connected
  Thank you god we’re not close
  Otherwise, we start texting
  And I don’t like texting
  But I do for my loved ones
  But really don’t like
  You’re in my heart and no need of anything
  If nature give this natural wire which connects our hearts with all obstacles
  I don’t think we need text to talk
  It’s you, who always with me
  Because I believe in you, my hkoni
  Now I’m changed, reason is you
  You inspired me and I’m me now
  But how can I forget you?
  If you were not hat time
  I’m not able to be me
  Your every act gave me inspiration
  I don’t find anything bad in you
  It’s just real you
  You’re my friend
  Who always help me
  But when I saw you I get a feeling of you as me
  I never accept anything until feeling don’t come
  I’ll love any relation with you
  Because you are my everything
  And follow your every feeling it’s my duty,
  I love you, no ... no not that love
  I never write about that love
  Only thing human can do as long as they are alive is to love
  I always grateful for having you
  I don’t think about you, and when I think
  I write it down
  There is much inside me about you
  As I am good, right now I don’t need you, I’m me
  But I don’t want to leave you, and I’ll never as long as I’m alive
  Inspiring someone is not a big deal
  But staying their inspiration till last, is what true inspiration
  And I’ll be there till end because I believe in myself
  There is nothing like last words
  I have infinite words
  Words will come as I started thinking about you
  And I want to say you, be you, as you teach me how to be myself, you also never forget that
  I wish god sent a girl in your life and I’ll call her my inspiration’s wife
  That will be crazy day
  When you will marry
  There are many girls who will say they are happy for you but in reality they will be hurt
  But I will be happier for sure
  It will not hurt me
  Why will I get hurt? No reason of hurt
  You are happy and what else I want
  What I say now …
  Be you because
  You teach me
  Thank you
  Whenever I see my mother, I see she is hurt, it makes me hurt too. I search for comfort, and watch Korean dramas, they say, “I’m always with you” and when they ask me reason behind, my pain and I tell everything, then they start to say, be strong. You tell me hkoni how can I be strong when my mother is in pain, I want to take my mother, take her somewhere where she feels comfortable but right now it’s not in my hand, I’m trying hard … only you comfort hkoni. you are angel for me. Thank you angel. If you are doing this much for me why can’t I love you, I don’t need to love you it happens naturally and “I love you” is not right word for your intimacy. 
  I see you everywhere
  When I’m in pain
  When I’m happy
  I don’t know your hkonial life and being a celebrity with all cool qualities, it’s not easy, sacrificing things and staying away from distraction, finding you and your purpose, you all did this.
  Most of the time Korean dramas don’t comfort me and when it doesn’t then a voice come from inside, “I’m here always with you. Yes, it’s your voice, maybe I’m able to listen it because I believe in you and when someone believes in something, they start imagining things, they think everything is true. It’s cool to believe in someone.
  You know I want to sing all those songs that you singed but right now I can’t speak your language I need to language to sing your songs.
  There was also time in my life where I thought why you are in another country, why not here with me? Then I think it’s because you were born with purpose to comfort, inspire human through your work, to tell human if you believe you can do it and you not able to this in my country reason is, here nobody encourage singing, that’s why you not born here. But I’m a human and when a human gets attached to someone they start missing and it’s really painful even it’s not love, not all get pain through love some are there who get it from life. from now I don’t think I need to write so I’m stopping my habit of writing diary.
***skowi’s written words finished which was for hkoni
***current day 
  As skowi turning pages of diary everything she wrote running in a picture form in her mind and she read her years ago diary in just some minutes. Skowi said what next? Inner voice came, “it’s not next but it’s previous”
  “What!” Skowi said.
  “Yes, previously happened things in hkoni’s life will become your next, you will become a perfect girl of perfect boy, hkoni’s every small thing will affect you and it was already in your fate that you will follow him blindly, I know you already have similar things but you still agreed to follow him,” inner voice said.
  “I’d love to follow hkoni,” Skowi said.
  A hkoni changes when a hkoni come in your life, sometimes changes are not change its habits which we want develop in us to become like our favorite hkoni but here lines not work still works! Why not works because skowi’s all habits are same as hkoni’s so lines fail and why it still works because she still trying to copy him” hehehe, what a crazy, silly skowi. Question arises what’s that which turned skowi into copycat? It’s funny to say but skowi’s life not taking a turn but a circle” hehehe.
  Maybe some animals were friends of hkoni’s past life … no, no, no … his best friends and those best friends always paid for every drink hkoni drink in his past life, as a result their karmic bond those animals and hkoni have in this life that’s why without words hkoni talk him.
  A video of hkoni where a cute as well as not cute dog and a boy playing football and skowi is looking at video as she going to study that and going to give audition on got talent and confirmed she is winner. Wait … who is that boy? Whom she was observing?  hkoni. She also talks to animals but now she being copycat, she sells her brain at a very low cost she didn’t received a good amount and she became crazy” hehehe. Skowi laughing at herself, her every attempt of being copycat was got murdered by her silliness, as a result she became successful without doing anything because she was already born with those habits.
  Only once such things happen and we can’t expect it twice. Hkoni was missing skowi and when he misses skowi he calls her and ask her to come” he did call, she came. Always hkoni cook for her this time scenario was different. Skowi wanted to cook but hkoni not let her do it alone he was there to help her with his flirty intentions.
  Why hkoni was being flirty? He never did this before; it was first time he was flirting with skowi.
  But, that flirt was so cute that hkoni who is receiving flirt wish for more. Skowi looked at him” he was not making eye contact with her. Hkoni was being so close to her. She said, “cooking is over, wash your hands and sit on dining table.”
  “No, I will not,” hkoni’s words came in low voice.
  Skowi know something was hkoni hiding from her. “so will you eat without washing hands.” He holds hand of skowi and go near basin took another hand and washed her hands with his.
  “what happened, hkoni?” Skowi asked.
  He wanted to continue game of hiding” he lied her by saying he want to eat by her hands and not on dining table. He wants to eat in his room.
  “No,” she said.
   But hkoni didn’t listened and by holding her hand took her with him.
  “You sit here, I come because our food in kitchen I’m coming, wait,” Hkoni said.
  He came after some time and opened his mouth so that skowi can put a bite in his mouth. While eating skowi whispered, “tell me what’s on your mind because I read your and mind was like hey skowi just ask once what hkoni want.” Hkoni laughed at skowi’s humor” he said, “it’s been much period and we know each other but you never told me about yourself.”
  “Skowi hit on his head, nobody in this world know about me more than you know about me.”
  “No skowi, I know but I want to hear it from you, hearing it from your voice will be great and I love your voice, it’s sweetest, cutest.”
  Skowi stopped him from saying more words and she started saying her words about herself.
***skowi began to complete wish of hkoni through her voice
  Who I am? I’m skowi, an adult girl but still feels like grandmother of everyone and a new born baby, it’s crazy feeling. The way you see, I’m that because I have more than one human inside me. I can become a devil and angel too. I born in a wealthy family that little pretty girl was unaware of harsh world.
  Every hkoni I lived in my childhood was good for me, not because they were good it’s because I was too innocent to understand their many evil faces.
   Playing badminton is my favorite, feels like there is a deep connection between me and badminton, that’s why when I think about badminton and it came in front of me suddenly, I fall in love with badminton. Playing other games also excites me. 
  What shall I tell you about me hkoni, I’m not even like a puzzle. I’m not a question that you can’t find answer. I’m everything. I like to be bold, simple, everything but I never need to change me because human around me understands me even when I’m silent. If I love you it means your every word, every action matters for me, your every step can hurt me and your every step can make me happy.
  I’m not easy to handle, you have to be full of positivity without any negativity. I dislike who are negative. I’m always thankful for my friends, they make me happy. I beat you, you can’t find a heart like I have. It’s full of love even its broken love flow from heart others will saw and think I’m silent, innocent but they know only 25% of me other 75% hkoni they don’t know and not this is about me, on everybody this applies. I feel cool when someone say “thank you your words touched my heart.”
  My mind lost way and I don’t think my mind come back again one day, you know what’s reason? It’s a long story, one-day heart took mind on walk, heart did it on purpose to make me happy again. While walking heart said to mind, “you stay I’ll come” and heart come back not towards mind but towards me, this is how mind lost his way and I only live with heart. I asked my heart why you did this with me, now how I do study? And heart said, solve your exam from heart, I said okay. After somedays I go to take exam without mind and everybody can guess result, I failed in my exam. How can I be independent? Life is playing with me every morning, afternoon, evening, night, midnight. I’m only with my heart and lost my mind.
  I love every Sunday, Sunday make me feel I’m alive, other days too but I never get a spare time other days. Sunday is the only day which gives me this freedom no doubt other day too. I do shampoo with egg protein, it smells like my favorite perfume, that perfume smell like a biscuit. Now leave Sunday, because today is not Sunday everyone like sleeping but they don’t sleep, they take their smartphone with him while sleeping but this the difference between him and me I don’t take my smartphone with me while sleeping. don’t you think I’m talking childish about myself okay then I tell you adult things, wait what I tell you about adult things if I didn’t experience? Are you here for adult things? I can tell you something interesting leave adult things I’m not interested you can google it.
  My heart is full of things you ever imagined, it’s like I know everything I just don’t like to speak about it. If shared what’s in my heart you will be bored. Do you want to know some of him, so here I’m presenting you those things, you have to take care of yourself I’m giving you waring that you must not get bore.