BBB Beyond Belief Bond

part - 10

  In room there is a corner where I sit every day and write, for new experience through I can change myself, I’m not talking about changing world. I read somewhere “I was fool I was trying to change the world but now I’m wise so I’m changing myself,” I know I’m not a fool that’s why I’m telling what’s in my heart to the world but I don’t want to change world, world is changing and it will change every second but I want youngsters don’t get trapped in anything like becoming great or ruling over someone, no my friend you don’t have right for sure you have right to change yourself. So where I was, I was in corner of room where I sit and write. Typing until my hands say “hey skowi I have pain, please stop” when I listen this I stop typing. You will say “you’re” hands talk to you? what you think? I leave it to you, okay, okay, as I’m arising questions I must tell answer if you have doubt. Actually hands don’t talk they don’t speak to me because they don’t know, they are get used as a part of human’s body. But according to me if I saw hands from my point of view, they are a living organism which is connected to other organs, and hands talk to me with their work. Every time I type, in starting they give me a message that they are happy to do work after some time they give me message they want rest and even though I continued typing they say “hey skowi I have pain,” please stop” Really my hands do a lot of hard work, I listen him. how can I share whole me! I just told you one thing, hope I tell you others too, I tried to wind up all in simple words otherwise you will never understand my words.
  Now come to simple words, everybody can understand, you know I love playing. glad! nothing like playing. Thanks to those who played with me in my childhood if they were not there how I able to play. My greatest achievement of my childhood being every time winner. my winning vibes and positivity make everyone want me. but every child has this quality it’s a matter how you behave, your habits decide everything and most important in our childhood, mother plays and important role.
  Like everybody I also had a dream, I tried but I think I loved that dream every day because of society, I realized this is the work which will give me reputation in society and because of human I fall in dream, I truly loved that dream but why I’m not living that dream? I remember, I studied hard but whenever I go to exam center there I’m scared, I really don’t understand what was happening with me even I studied hard. I always hide my pain and don’t want to tale but there is saying, whatever happens, happens for a reason, if I passed in my exam never able to found my purpose and without purpose life is not life, you were living a boring life without purpose, purpose gives meaning to our and our existence.
  You know difference between me and others, they never went through the pain that I went through. As puberty hits life hits harder. why so?
  I always smile doesn’t mean I’m happy. I smile because I want when someone see me, I look happiest hkoni you ever seen. When human look at smiling hkoni and say how happy he/she is happy but when I see if a hkoni smile I look their eyes, unfortunately many youngsters don’t smile. Child smile without worry because he/she don’t know what is worry. As we grow we get to know things which are irrelevant to us but when those things happen with us we started connecting him and feel him, if we don’t know that things we will might not feel but that’s what growing up.
  We can’t live like a child forever but we can live by surrounding ourselves with only us, you have to become monk for that but before being monk you have to suffer, suffering leads to silence and silence leads to monk. If we live happily how can you be monk? And if suffered that doesn’t mean you will become monk don’t forget silence, most human can’t do this but everyone suffer. You will say why I become I just want to live happily, to live happily you need happy state of mind and what monk do they live with happy state of mind. And living around human like monsters I don’t think you can live in happy state of mind, you can’t but I’m also living with monsters how I’m able to live in happy state of mind living with monsters without being monk? I’ll try my best to explain you but without your self-realization such things don’t work, every hkoni has different experiences me too, so my experience will fit for you? Think, read, learn from it.
  If I started talking you, you will fall for me, want to fall for me? okay, this is okay but what about me I also want to fall then why I don’t get someone? You want to try? Try. I’m waiting. I love to talk who want to talk me. I feel special to those who are in my contact and for sure, I don’t say bad words, don’t misguide. I’m really waiting for those who do these same things to me, there are still some friends, I want to see every youngster will be like hkoni.
  “Do you want to listen more about me,” Skowi asked.
  “Yes,” Hkoni said.
  I write, it happens how can I stop myself this is also me, I can’t stop myself if I’m willing to do something of course that will be helpful for you. Sometimes I wish why nobody was there for me to tell this all things at that time, this time is also not bad but if I was known this earlier I’m not here sitting in front of you and talking.
  I always wished someday somebody will come in my life with whom I can share my all those movements which I never told to anyone and see today I’m telling you everything hkoni. I wished someone come and say, hey, skowi, can we talk, I want to talk and today you asked me about myself. Before you there was too many friends who listened me, but my search was you.
  “Really,” Hkoni said.
  “Yes”
  Life is not a long journey and we all have different paths but we have best friends in our life, life is full of happy movements. You will forget your pain when you talk with your friend but nobody wants to trust stranger, I know, what you think while talking to a stranger, stranger might be a stalker and it can trouble your life.
  You are a dreamer if you have a dream. Some dreams change one human and some human change world. It was dream until albert Einstein didn’t make it happen, and he changed world. Your dream has ability to make this earth beautiful. When I was in my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th class I was topper, so being like me was dream of other but I never dreamed of being anything, I was dream of many. '
  If you ask me about my behavior you don’t need to ask because you will saw it clearly through my actions and my actions, my words don’t lie. I don’t like talking about me but here I am telling you every little thing about me.
  There was a girl in my class when I was in 10th. She was my best friend and still she is my best friend, we don’t talk for years after 10th but recently I got a number of her from one of my friend, I texted her, you know while talking with her I got same feelings when I was in 10th with her. I was too childish, when I see myself by going back I saw how can be someone that playful.
  I never think about my career even after my 10th whatever my family said I was agreed. If mother say do, I’ll do that. I bet you will not find a girl like me. I respect elders, smaller everyone.  If everyone is good why I think about raising my voice or taking stand for myself and if someone is trying to control me, or saying hey, you are girl you have to limit yourself from doing this, I know I am a girl and I know what’s good for me and what’s not, I not even show my evil side to those who do wrong with me, I don’t show any side to him. If you love me you will get unconditional love but if you try to hate me, hate me. girls don’t have problem with anyone, same I also don’t have, I also want to live happily, happy family but human create situations said things which girls feel bad, I must say those human who are bad, they don’t have any manners, they even don’t know what a girl can do if she decided and here I also have all these beautiful qualities more than this, you can say there is nothing that I’m unaware of, I’m just different.
  One day I saw, I didn’t saw how it fall, I saw it was dead when I saw, it was a child of a squirrel fallen from nest. Below nest it was fallen already, it was like a yesterday born child. I searched how to save on google but google not showing exact results. Before this, in college, I saw a butterfly dead in college, I take that butterfly on my hand, butterfly color on my finger, I was going upstairs and from above there was place for unwanted stuff, from above one child of a bird fallen and it was alive for some time after that it also dead.
  “It was really heart touching incidence for me,” Skowi told to hkoni.
  “Your life is so unique, don’t cry, everyone leaves this world when their day come, we always don’t care about the human when they are alive but once they go we cry.” Hkoni said. 
  Butterfly, bird child, squirrel child, while leaving their body, teach me a lesson always stay connected to those who love us, our family. Maybe some don’t want to treat others well they think if they tell him well they might become good than him, but It’s not him, it’s their ego who always stops him by doing this, they are stopping their self from becoming a better hkoni, if you know it, you know it.
“Forget about others, tell me more about you,” Hkoni said.
  I’m introvert, a hkoni who is silent referred as introvert but how can human judge so quickly. If you try to see introvert from introvert’s eye you will see introvert is extrovert too, but an extrovert can’t be introvert, yes that is different case when someone is ambient. Introvert’s have many qualities as I am introvert and I know this. I am a good listener you can say I’m good at everything but I can’t say I’m perfect because there are much more things I never tried yet. I don’t say that much things about future and I don’t make promises to be with you till end but I promise to be with you till my last breath.
  When I was pursuing my degree, I was much more quitter because I was learning much which was different things, a common human not be able to understand and right now I’m going through which situation not any human can understand because they will tell solutions I don’t want solutions, I have already many solutions. Hkoni I want you love me till my last breath don’t leave my hand, promise me you are always be with me, you are my comfort. I always do what my soul says to do and my soul always say to do cool things.
  “I always be there for you, I’ll always by your side,” Hkoni said.
  Time don’t remain always same but I will be same as I’m right now with more new versions of me. Sometimes loving myself is hard and such time only come when I’m hurt. I pray god to send angels to show me right way and you know those angels actually come maybe you know I’m talking about whom, I’m talking about butterflies they come wherever I go, but sometimes they also don’t come then that time I feel lonely still I talk to myself.
  I don’t know how I get connected with you so easily, sometimes I also think why this happen with me. hkoni said, “skowi why you didn’t become a speaker, your voice is so innocent but they will be grateful to have your voice.
  “It’s too late, you know everything about you, let’s sleep now, I’ll go,” Skowi said.
  “No, no don’t go, stay here for tonight, tomorrow morning you go.”
  “I don’t think I’ll get a sleep, I will travel your palace without you,” Skowi sigh.