Tasha's POV
I heard every sob from Manang Henya as she gazed at her daughter Juliana. She might be gently stroking the top of the coffin, softly speaking to her. Watching her, it felt as though my heart was being pierced. I remembered the times when I was in her position, having lost a loved one. No amount of money or anything else can erase the pain of losing someone you cherish. That’s why I feel Manang Henya's grief so deeply—the kind of pain that makes you wish to God that He had taken you instead of your loved one.
I remembered my mom in a situation like this. I remembered how I wailed and cried because of her passing, especially when I discovered the truth that she died carrying the pain inflicted by Dad. My mom didn’t have an easy life during her years. She fought hard just to stay with us longer, but she suffered greatly for it. Dad deprived her of the joy of life. He was selfish, never considering the feelings of someone who did nothing but pour all her love into him. Even if that boundless love was deadly.
Sh*t! I felt my tears fall.
No matter how much I try to forget the past, it’s never enough to stop my tears from flowing.
Anxiety crept in with my thoughts. My hands were shaking, and they started to clench until I felt Tristan’s hand touching mine. He was trying to calm my trembling hands.
"Let your tears fall until you feel better. You need it so you don’t explode."
I don’t know why, but with those words, I found the courage to let the tears I had been holding back fall. I miss my mom. I miss her so much! I know she wouldn’t be happy if I kept avoiding and resenting Dad. But I don’t know what to do. It feels like that’s the only way for me to forget the past. Because whenever I see Dad, everything comes rushing back. My chest tightens, and I can’t explain the fear I feel. And I’m scared that might be the death of me.
I sobbed silently. My tears raced each other down my cheeks, so I wiped them with my palms. The weight on my chest remained. I didn’t know when the pain would subside.
I paused when I saw Tristan standing in front of me. He looked into my tear-filled eyes and I was surprised by what he did next. He gently wiped the tears streaming down my cheeks with a handkerchief he was holding. At that moment, I just stared at him. I felt my chest gradually lighten from the weight of my feelings because of what he did.
But suddenly, I came to my senses. I stopped his hands from wiping my tears.
He shouldn’t be doing these things. No one should calm me down but myself. He needs to limit himself from doing what he wants because I’m not like other women who are okay with his hands touching any part of their body.
I walked out of the house.
A dark night greeted me as I reached a hut not far from Manang Henya’s house. I looked around, but no one else was here but me. It wasn’t too dark in this area because there was a bulb casting light in the gloomy night.
I sat in a corner, trying to calm myself when someone spoke from behind me.
"You shouldn't walk away." He said firmly. "Look, I'm sorry if you didn't like what I did earlier."
Sh*t! Is he really going to follow me here?
"I just want time for myself. Just leave me alone!"
He took a deep breath.
"I can’t leave you in the middle of the night."
F*ck!
"I said leave!" I faced him. "Just give me this night, Tristan. And please, stop pretending with your actions."
He stopped and I could see no emotion in his eyes.
I stepped closer to him. "Starting tomorrow, I want you to stop bothering me!" I said, my anger evident in my voice. "From now on, I want you to stay away from me. I know you'll find a girl who will fall for your charm. A girl who would let your hands wander anywhere on her body. And a girl you can take home. I know that’s easy for you." I didn’t hesitate to say. "I know the things you can do, Tristan. So back off!"
He didn’t say anything in response to my words. Even in defending himself, he remained silent. He just stared into my eyes as if trying to read my mind.
"No."
One word that made my blood boil even more. Why is he still so calm in this situation? I’m already pushing him away, raising my voice at him but he remains standing in front of me, peaceful and quiet. His hands are even in his pockets while he firmly looks into my eyes.
F*ck!
"Why are you two yelling at this hour of the night? Are you fighting?" I was startled by a voice from behind me. Manang Henya’s voice.
I stepped back from the space between Tristan and me and faced Manang Henya. I calmed myself before speaking.
"No, we were just talking about something. Y-yeah in fact, I was about to leave." I lied. "I have to go."
I didn’t look back at Tristan and started walking away. I don’t know why I took out all my anger on him today. Is it because he’s the one here forcing himself into my life? Or maybe something else is happening.
I’m confused!
