Love Lost, Lessons Learned

Letting Go

Letting Go

It started to rain and hammered against the windowpane, mimicking the rhythm of my heart. Across from me, the host, Ms. Avery, sat with a concerned frown etched on her face. "Mamahalin mo ba ulit ang taong iyon?"

"Hindi na." I spoke softly, despite the storm outside. "Honestly, I think can't risk it anymore. Sobra akong nasaktan dahil minahal ko siya."

"But you still love him, don't you?" Ms. Avery couldn't help but ask.

I forced a smile, "Not really. Maybe a small part of me always will, you know, the memory of what we had. But that's not enough to build our future together."

The lies left an awful aftertaste on my tongue. The reality was that my heart still longed for Xavi. His absence had been an unbearable ache, a faint ache that became stronger whenever I hear a familiar song on the radio.

"But why, Ms. Asharri?" Ms Avery insisted, "Bakit sinasarado mo na ang sarili mo para umibig muli?"

I took a deep breath. "Because..." I continued, my voice trembling slightly, "because I know how it ends. I know that if I allow myself to love him again, I will fall into the same pattern. I'll prioritize his needs over mine, leaning over backwards to make him happy, and it won't be enough. Also, he already has a girlfriend."

Ms. Avery's eyes flashed with pain, a silent recognition of the reality. It had been an intense romance, passionate and emotional. But sometime along the way, the situation changed. My eagerness to satisfy him, began to lose myself. Naturally, he had wandered away, lured to a brighter, more independent flame.

The interview wrapped with a warm exchange of smiles. As the cameras stopped rolling, the nervous tension that had filled the room throughout the interview seemed to dissipate. We thanked the viewers for tuning in, the usual closing remarks punctuated by a genuine sense of accomplishment.

"Thanks for coming on the show," I said kindly.

"Thanks for having me." I said with a small smile. 

The interview was over, but the story felt like it was just starting. Somehow, I knew our paths would cross again someday.

"You don't have to be that person anymore, Ms. Asharri," Avery said before I went out of the studio.  "You've changed and grown so much in these past years. You've regained yourself, your passions, and your independence."

"Pa'no mo nasasabi 'to, Ms. Avery? It feels like you know me better than myself hahaha." I said smiling to her.

"I was your best friend in college so I know you a lot. Obvious nga na nakalimutan mo na ako dahil sa works probably?" She said laughing which shocked me.

Avery was correct. The previous years were not only been about healing, but also about self-discovery. I had put myself into my art, and my paintings were a vivid tapestry of emotions. I had reconnected with old friends, regained my love for travel, and began pursuing the ambitions i had put on hold. This newfound self-confidence was a shield, a wall I would created around her heart.