Not My Life | gxg

Chapter Two

'Are you going to blank me in person now, too?' Kita asked.

Bethany looked at her reluctantly. She'd smoothed her skirt back down, one leg crossed over the other. Her tie was loose around her neck, her top button left undone; Kita had always worn uniforms reluctantly.

'I'm not—I didn't...' Her voice trailed away, and she leaned over for her bag.

She unearthed a pen and a new jotter and placed them on the table.

'You gonna finish that sentence?' Kita asked.

Bethany sighed. 'I'm not blanking you. And I didn't blank you.'

'No?' Kita raised an eyebrow sceptically. 'What's the word you'd use then?'

'I...' Her voice trailed away again.

'I phoned you, I texted you so many times I lost count. And you didn't answer.' Kita's black eyes glittered with rage.

Bethany opened her mouth to let out another halfhearted excuse and then nodded. 'I'm sorry.'

Kita grunted and sat back in her seat. The conversation seemed to be over. Bethany hunched over the desk, a fresh feeling of guilt creeping over her. She'd stopped talking to Kita, but it wasn't simple, and Bethany hadn't been able to explain it to herself, never mind anyone else. Kita had been her old life, an old life she missed like an ache, and talking to her had been painful. It had been easier to cut her out of her life than have her partially inside it. So Bethany had stopped responding to her messages. Their friendship hadn't ended dramatically—it had been a slow death, burning out painfully until Bethany had eventually gotten a new phone after accidentally losing hers. She hadn't been able to read Kita's messages anymore, the next more desperate and angry than the last.

Bethany slowly turned her pen over in her hand as Mister Taylor started talking about what texts they would be studying. She was only half-tuned into Taylor, though. She was very aware of Kita next to her, too far back to see if she was ignoring Bethany now or still staring at her.

*

Trinity seemed small in a way because all the buildings were clustered near one another, but it was just an illusion. Behind the buildings stretched a field enclosed by a thin layer of woodland. It gave the impression of leaving the school grounds without actually having to leave them. They were allowed to leave as senior students, but Bethany had nowhere to go.

She settled with her lunch in the furthest corner of the field, where a small copse of trees kept her sheltered from view without throwing her into a cold shade. She ate and tried not to think about how awkward the day had been and how awkward it was going to continue to be.

The relief she'd felt this morning had been short-lived. Seeing Kita again had been more difficult than she'd been expecting. She'd thought she was preparing for it, but it turned out you couldn't really prepare for seeing someone you'd hurt. The guilt had followed her around the whole day, compounded every time she accidentally caught Kita's gaze, which quickly narrowed into a glare.

This had happened a lot. Bethany had found her attention moving to Kita every time she was in the room. It turned out that it was easier to pretend you didn't miss someone when you were in a different country.

Bethany pulled out her phone and found herself typing Kita's name into Facebook. Nothing turned up. She tried Instagram instead, and there she was. She didn't have many pictures. She'd been tagged in more. The two boys Bethany had seen earlier that day looking at the jotter with such intensity were there, sitting with Kita on a park bench. The boy with the glasses, tagged as Lucas, had his arm around her neck. There they were again, lounging on beanbags, slices of pizza in their greasy hands. These were her friends. Ben and Lucas. Bethany vaguely remembered them from the last time she was here. She'd spoken to them a few times, but not enough to have remembered their names without the prompt from their social media.