Not My Life | gxg

Chapter Twenty-Four

Two Months Later

Bethany wasn't sure how some people knew what they wanted to do with their lives when they were teenagers. She found herself thinking too long about what to make herself for lunch every day. Who knew being an adult was more about worrying about what to make for meals and then realising you're going to be thinking about this the rest of your life?

She'd managed to find a job working in a shop. It wasn't great—she liked the girls she worked with but also hated the grumpy manager and irate middle-aged women who came in. It was incredible how angry people could get about clothes. But she kept reminding herself that it meant she could save; she hadn't really admitted it to herself, but she was hoping to save enough that she could afford to get herself to Cornwall. Admitting that was difficult because then she had to acknowledge the realisation that maybe Kita didn't want her there. Maybe she quite liked being alone.

They still spoke and video-chatted when their schedules lined up, and Kita had gushed about her new life in Cornwall so far. It had all felt so easy for Kita; maybe she liked her new life more than her old one, and it made Bethany wonder if she fit into Kita's new life. She hadn't had the courage to ask Kita this, mainly because she was terrified of the answer.

'How was counselling today?' Bethany asked.

Alex had come into the living room and flopped on the sofa next to her where she'd been slouched for the last five minutes.

'Okay, we didn't speak about Dad as much today, which I guess is a plus for me,' Alex said. 'I feel like I'm not fixating so much now.'

'That's good.'

Alex bobbed his head. 'I blocked him on all social media; that way, I can't just stare at his picture.'

'I haven't done that in ages, either. Weird, I hadn't even realised.'

'Didn't he block you?' Alex asked.

Bethany rolled her eyes. 'I made a fake account. Duh.'

'How silly of me.'

'But I haven't logged into the account in ages.'

'You're healing without having to talk to a professional. Well done,' Alex said lightly.

'I'm the emotionally healthier kid, yes,' Bethany said and pumped her arm.

Alex's mouth twitched in amusement. In the last few weeks, Alex had changed; they were only small changes, but they were reassuring to see. The colour had returned to his cheeks and his shoulder blades didn't try to pierce the back of his t-shirt anymore, which meant whatever he was talking to this counsellor about was working. He wasn't better, of course; there was still a very long way to go, but Bethany didn't feel like she would one day have to relive that horrific day. He was slowly becoming a different kid, maybe close to the version of himself that he would have been if their father had been a good person.

'You spoke to Kita lately?' Alex asked.

'No,' Bethany said, trying to sound flippant. 'Well, we've text, but our schedules haven't really matched up well.'

Bethany wasn't even sure if they were actually dating anymore, and the thought made her feel mildly sick. She'd seemed to cope with leaving much easier than Bethany had with her leaving. What if Kita met someone else? What if she realised with this distance that Bethany was too much drama to have in her life? What if the way she'd felt about Bethany slipped away as quietly as it had slipped in—she hadn't known Kita was in love with her, after all, so what if she didn't notice her falling out of love? Bethany pushed that thought down because she'd grown pretty good at sticking her head in the sand this last year.