Not My Life | gxg

Chapter Four

Bethany texted Alex because it was easier than trying to find him in the crowd: Hanging out with Kita after school. Can you tell Mum? Thanks xo

She walked with Kita in the opposite direction to her usual way home. It was a cold day, and Bethany's hands tried to hide in the folds of her jacket. Kita was only wearing a thin leather jacket she hadn't zipped up and fingerless gloves. Bethany felt colder just looking at her.

Neither of them said anything. They walked for over fifteen minutes until they reached an old playground. Kita opened the rusted gate for her and let it shriek shut behind them. A swing was batted to and fro by a slight wind. It looked like people had been dumping things there. Bethany was pretty sure she could see a fridge next to a mouldy-looking sofa at the end of the park, where a heavily graffitied wall had been left to crumble.

'This place does not look safe for kids,' Bethany remarked.

Kita smirked. 'No one comes here anymore. It kinda smells weird in summer.'

'I wonder why,' she murmured.

Kita threw her bag onto the ground and sat at the bottom of the slide, her elbows coming to rest on her bony knees, her hands clasped. Bethany looked about; there wasn't anything to sit on nearby. She also placed her bag on the ground with more care and sat on top of it.

'You know I'm gay, right,' Kita said.

Bethany blinked at her. Whatever she thought Kita would say, that hadn't been it. 'Uh, no, I didn't know that.'

'I didn't think so. I mean, it wasn't like I actually knew for sure when you lived here before.'

Bethany nipped at her bottom lip. 'When did you realise?'

'Well, I suspected before you left. I knew when I met Isabelle.'

'Who's Isabelle?'

'She was my girlfriend. She...' Kita paused, and Bethany knew, from the pain in her eyes and the way she couldn't say it straight away, what word was coming next, 'died.'

'Kita,' Bethany whispered.

'It was a car accident. Her dad was driving, and he survived. There were flowers on the side of the road for a while where it happened, as if she was still there. She didn't even die there, she died in hospital.' Kita shook her head as if ridding herself of this trail of conversation. 'Anyway, her mum and dad split up, and then they both moved away. When it happened, it was so stupid, but one person's name came into my head. One person I wanted to talk to about it. You, Bethany. And you weren't there.' Kita stood up, her hands running through her hair like she was trying to yank it out. 'You weren't there because you took away your friendship without running it by me, the other person in the friendship. Where were you, Bethany?'

'I... I was selfish,' Bethany admitted. 'You asked me all these questions about my new school and how my dad liked his new job. And everything sucked. And I was jealous that you were moving on and had these new friends.'

'Seriously? You threw me away because you wanted to stick your head in the sand?' Kita asked scathingly.

'It was easier not to hear about it, not talk to you, or pretend my mum and dad didn't fight every night. And I didn't know we'd ever move back—'

'Ah, it wasn't worth it because you didn't think you'd have to face me again? But what? You had to apologise because you're back?'

Tears were streaming down Bethany's face now. 'No, Kita, I didn't mean it like that.'

'So, what did you mean?'

'I just mean I lost myself. Everything had changed, and it was continuing to change, and I didn't know how to cope. It was dumb, really dumb. I'm sorry.'