CounterPart

24 | Guilt and Blame

She was slowly giving up.

But Peril kept her head high. Even if she had to fake a smile every now and again, when someone asked her if she was alright, it didn't matter much.

What mattered was Clay. And how she needed him.

Without Clay, I'm a monster. Without him, nobody values me at all. Let's face it: Tsunami loathes me. Lynx hates every part of me. Sunny pretends to like me, but she does that to everyone she doesn't like.

I just want CLAY.

Is it too much to ask? The whole world can hate me, if I have Clay. But everything I seem to do... Just feeds the distance between us.

Peril let out a lengthy sigh, trying not to let the salty sting in her eyes get to her senses. If she had been a normal dragon, not a firescales... Would Clay love her then?

Maybe... Maybe Lynx and Tsunami and everyone else was wrong. Maybe he did secretly love her, like she secretly loved him.

Secretly. Oh, as if. Didn't everyone know by now? And why can't they know? She thought furiously. I am a NORMAL DRAGON. With NORMAL FEELINGS. I am ALLOWED to be in LOVE.

Except if he rejected her, she'd know they'd all have been correct. THAT would be insufferable. Not even Turtle could talk her out of that one.

But another thought, the only resolution pulled down on her, gnawing at her mind from the Things-I-Will-Never-Do box.

If she simply asked Clay how he felt ... She could be sure she was correct! EVEN BETTER, they could be officially together! Or, the other outcome ... But she banished that thought quickly.

Her chest, her heart and her very talons were tingling as the decision hardened in her mind. She was going to find Clay, and she was going to tell him.

That she loved him.

That she'd always loved him.

That she felt as if the world was a dark cell of hatred when he wasn't there with her.

Yes. That's what I'll do.

***

She found him by Lady Cicada's quiet art gallery on the bottom layer, where he often went to think. He was smiling ambiently, his talons brushing the floor like gentle feathers.

Oh Clay, how I wish I could spend days down here with you. Holding your talons. Looking at all the lovely arty stuff.

She cleared her throat, a strange nervous sensation gripping her body. It feels like I'm in ice, moons!

Clay looked up, a warm, welcoming smile spreading across his face when he saw her. Her heart leaped, but the weight of her doubts pulled it back down just as quickly.

"Hey, Peril," he greeted, his voice as soothing as the gentle silence in the room. "What's up?"

She took a deep breath, feeling the fire simmer beneath her scales. Suddenly the room felt huge. Expansive. Large enough to swallow them both up and tear them limb from limb...

"Clay, I need to tell you something. Something important."

He nodded, his eyes full of concern and curiosity. "Of course. You can tell me anything, Peril."

The words tumbled out before she could stop them. "I love you, Clay. Not ... Not as a friend. I love you so much it hurts every moment I spend away from you, and if I could give all my fire to you as a gift, I would. I want to protect you, I want to spend every single minute by your side, or it's a minute wasted! I always have, ever since we met. And I... I can't keep pretending that everything's okay when it's not. I need to know if you feel the same way."