Playing for keeps

37. Dangerous with a reputation

E A S T O N

There was fire under my skin and a pounding in my head.

Killian more or less forced me, hysterical and fists flying wherever I could get them, into his awaiting car outside Kaleb's apartment building.

I noticed Damien's SUV there too and my mind raced with thoughts of what they were doing with Kaleb.

His dad would help, wouldn't he? Kaleb's dad wouldn't let them kill his son...I cried harder in Killian's front seat.

The only sound in the car on the way home was my crying and heavy, skittish breathing as I struggled to get in a decent breath. There's a sickly feeling swirling low in my stomach and this overwhelming feeling of dread.

"You said you wouldn't tell them!" I cry at Killian's breath when I follow him into my house, ignoring my brothers' men stationed outside. 

Killian didn't answer until we were inside the empty house. "I didn't."

"Then who did!" I screamed, hot tears streaming down my face continuously. "They cou-couldn't have-have-have known..." My words lag, struggling to get past my lips. My chest heaves, my heart beating a thousand miles a second.

"They checked the cameras of the shelter when he didn't come home. They saw you went with him," Killian explains.

I stand in the foyer bawling, more than I've ever cried before.

Concern creases Killian's face as he steps closer, placing both hands tightly, reassuringly, on both of my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. I realize it's to ground me, to stop the uncontrollable shaking. My knees feel as if they might give out on me any minute.

"Hey, kid. You need to breathe or you're going to pass out," he tells me. "Come on, breathe with me. In and out." Hearing such a softness in Killian's voice is different like a mother calming down her screaming baby. "That's it."

I force myself to keep still, trying to breathe in an even pattern over and over. After a few minutes, my throat's tightness loosened, like an imaginary noose was covering it. 

Killian nods while I continue to suck in even breaths, a small but sad smile on his face at the fact he seemed to not entirely stop but lessen the panic attack that was consuming me.

I still cry though. The tears don't stop.

That's when he pulls me in and lets me cry against his chest.

"Are they going to kill him?" I ask when no more tears can escape me, my tear ducts empty. Voicing it out loud makes the sickly feeling in my stomach intensify even more. I pull away from Killian to gauge his reaction.

A serious expression overtakes his face. "No," he says, matter of fact.

"How do you know?" I furiously wipe at my eyes. He was too busy dragging me out of there to know what happened after.

"Because I made them swear that they wouldn't physically kill him," he says, giving nothing away on that stoic face of his. "Kaleb, despite his utter stupidity, is one of the best shooters I've got. They kill him and I've got to look for a whole new shooter to take his place. More work for me and time I haven't got." He shrugs with indifference.

It does nothing to ease my wandering thoughts, each one worse than the last.

The rumble of the engine comes from outside, and I can see from the window beside the door that my brothers are home and speeding up the driveway.

That red-hot rage I was feeling earlier comes back and with my hands clenched into fists I storm outside.

"Easton-" Killian reaches out to pull me back into the house, but I'm already marching towards my brother's SUV.

Every feeling comes over me; all the rage flowing through me like a river, my temper reaching a point it never has before, the highest point. I wanted to scream and kick and shout and throw something, anything, that I could get my hands on.

Damien is already getting out of the car when he notices me charging for him, his eyebrows lowering. Before he can yell, I beat him to it.

"What the hell was that!" I growl, putting all of my strength into shoving him back up against his car. The fury I feel swirls everywhere; inside me, around me, and at every point where it can reach and lead me along.

I spot the blood coating his white dress shirt and knuckles.

My fist flies into his chest. "You had no right!" I'm screaming now. "You had no fucking right to barge in there!" I punch his chest again and again.

Someone comes behind me and catches my flying fists, pulling me back. I smell Zach's cologne first, and then I hear his voice. "East, come on. Let's go inside and talk about all of this."

I don't register a word he says, instead I stare down Damien. His narrowing eyes, his grinding teeth, and that string in him that is about to snap.

"I had no right?" His voice is like death and he takes a step closer. Zach's grip on me tightens like he thinks I'm going to lunge at Damien. I just might. "You don't know shit about him, Easton. He's an asshole and dangerous with a reputation. He's using you for his benefit purely because you're young and naïve. He is no good for you. He took advantage of you." 

His words hit me and my limbs tighten, freezing me to the spot as I register again what Damien just said, what he spat in disgust to hurt me, knowingly.

It's a different side to him. The other side of him that he doesn't show me, the one who is the head of an organization of hit men, the one who kills people on purpose and is rightfully feared by many people.

I never thought I would be one of those people.

After a moment, after getting over my shock and all the anger dissipates, all that's left is the feeling of my chest cracking, throbbing. For Kaleb, but for also the brother I seem to not know at all. "You're exactly like him. 'Dangerous with a reputation.'" I quote his own words back at him to hurt him, hoping to cut him so deep that he feels the hurt that I'm feeling right now. "But the difference is, Damien, that I do know him, probably better than I know myself. The only person I don't seem to know is you. Not anymore."

I know I hit the mark when his jaw falls slack, eyes blinking rapidly.

Turning around I march back into the house, out of Zach's hold, leaving my brothers and Killian there. 

The tears only fall when I've safely locked myself into my room, shutting every window and curtain and falling into the darkness of my room and the darkness in my mind.