Between Friends and Lovers

(02) Alexandria

I stared at the person in front of me. A range of emotions going through me. They all passed through quickly, leaving me feeling overwhelmed.

The messy, sandy blonde hair and intense green eyes were familiar. Once, they had brought me comfort, but now they were the source of my anxiety. I’ve spent countless hours trying to understand how I allowed myself to be in this situation for so long. I disregarded the advice from my friends and made myself comfortable in this hole that was now becoming my grave—letting me know that I was buried, not planted, as I initially thought.

I sighed, crossed my arms, and walked over to him. I was slowly preparing myself for whatever was about to come. Even though a part of me knew that there was nothing I could do to prepare for this conversation.

“Theodore,” I greeted, standing in front of him.

He leaned back on his car. Memories of me sitting in the front seat of his Lexus IS with the window opened and the air blowing my hair flashed through my mind.

“You’ve been ignoring me.” He didn’t look happy. Something I had expected.

‘On purpose,’ I thought to myself. With everything that I had going on, I didn’t need him complicating things.

“I had some stuff to deal with,” I told him, watching as he rolled his eyes. “Goodness, Theo, you know what has been going on.”

“You’re being dramatic.” He shook his head. “If you didn’t want to talk to me, then you should have just told me so.”

I closed my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. Everything with Theodore felt like a fight. Even the most innocent conversation could end with us arguing, and it was tiring. I was sick and tired of having to defend myself to him.

“I can’t do this. Not today.” I looked out at the entrance before looking back at him. “My mom is picking me up, so can you leave.”

I took a step back, a way to show him that this conversation was over, and he stood up straight and took a step towards me. I stopped and looked at him. Anxiety taking hold of me.

Theodore had never been physical with me, but he had come close a lot of times. One of the many reasons I ignored him was his anger issues. It was overwhelming and tiring to constantly have to watch what I said around him.

“I’m not leaving yet,” he said with a frown. “We need to talk about us.”

Us. I didn’t think that there was an us. There had been a lot of things that had happened, which convinced me that this relationship wasn’t good for my mental health. But I’ve tried breaking up with him several times now, and each time, he managed to convince me to give him another chance.

However, this time around, I wasn’t going to give him a chance to try and sway me. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be in a relationship—especially this relationship.

I had a lot on my plate for this year, and Theodore wasn’t part of it. It was why I had taken to ignoring him rather than trying to make him understand where my mind was. I didn’t want to defend myself and have him call me dramatic when I knew I was not. It was how he got me every time. He called me dramatic, and in fear that no one would want a dramatic girlfriend, I changed my mind and stayed with him.

But this time around, I didn’t have the energy to keep doing this back and forth.

“There’s no us, Theo.” I nibbled on my bottom lip. “I have a lot going on. I don’t need this.” I pointed between us.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not.” I stood up straight, trying to appear confident. “I’m tired of this. I no longer have the energy to maintain this relationship.”