Xandros and Ally

Chapter 16 (Ally): Give It Wings

I went home from work that night with so much on my heart and mind I could barely settle myself. Between Xandros's mom, Cressie, and Xandros himself, they had made for quite a rollercoaster of a day. After picking at my dinner, I called Zed and told him what Xandros had done.

"We could teach there, Zed."

"I don't think he mentioned me in all of that," Zed said.

"He said whatever I needed, and I need you right there with me, Zed. We're a team. But do you think I'm crazy for considering it? Should we do it?"

"Ally, let's talk about some shit first. Would you feel obligated to get back together with him if you took the job at the Polly Foundation?"

"No. That has nothing to do with why I want to get back together with him." Realizing what I'd said, I tried back pedaling. "I mean, I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to get together with him again. Not after what he offered me."

"Sure," he laughed at me, at my obvious lies, "but you know it'd be fine if you did get back with him, right?"

"No, I don't know any such thing," I protested. "He offered to make me his mistress, Zed, after he married another woman. That doesn't exactly make the right kind of statement."

"And that's perfectly valid for you to feel that way."

"But?"

"But nothing. He did something stupid. No doubt about it. You have to decide if that's all there is to him, or if he's more than his fuck up."

"I feel like you're on his side."

"Make no mistake, I'm on your side, Ally. Always. I'm just letting you know that if you do decide you want him in your life, I'm good with that. As someone who's fucked up many, many times with women, I understand a huge fuck up. But I'm equally good with you deciding you don't want him in your life. All I care about is that whatever decision you make is one that makes you happy."

"Of course," I said. "What else?"

"How would you feel giving up your job? You worked hard to earn your PhD, and you worked hard at G&N. Could you walk away from it?"

"I could," I said slowly. "Because Xandros was right when he asked me what I'd do if I didn't have to worry about paying the bills. I love the idea of us still making music, but helping other people with speech fluency disorders is like...a dream, Zed. What if there's someone out there who's just waiting for music to unlock his or her voice? What if someone else can find their wings to fly because we helped them?"

"Making a difference would be a great honor," Zed said humbly. "I can't think of anything more satisfying."

"I was thinking we could call our program Wings to Soar."

"So, you already have the name. Interesting because that means you're already moving ahead with it in your mind, at least. When are you giving your notice?"

"Very funny. I'm still in the thinking stage! I'd need to see what we'd be making --"

"Ally, do you really think that man would skimp on our salaries?"

"And then there's the Hayvin song."

"What are you talking about?" Zed demanded.

Realizing I'd forgotten to fill him in, I told him that we owned the exclusive rights to Hayvin's song, Pierce Me.

"Ally, he got you a Hayvin song? With that, and Lip Service and the work at the Polly Foundation, we'll be fine."

"You sound so sure."