my king, august horn of årnäs

Inte min vän

I went on a quick morning run around the campus the next day before seeing the school therapist.

It was my moms desicion and i couldnt say no.

When i got back to the castle, i bumped into August who was just about to go for a run.

"oh, hey" He said.

"hi" I mumbled and walked past him out of breath without even looking at the boy.

August turned around and rushed over to me before i could make it to Boris.

"Wait, Ivy.." He looked down at me and i looked up at him "This is wrong, why is it so awkward between us?"

"i dont know, August" I said and took a step back from him "We both changed, maybe its just not the right time for us to be friends"

It doesnt matter how hard for me it was to let August go, i had to do it. Wille would've hated me for liking this boy.

"You thought i was your friend?" August looked me in my eyes and sighed "And what about yesterday? I was there for you when nobody was"

I looked away in shame and whispered "I dont want to carry on like everything is fine, August" ...

"No, dont do this to me, princess" He said quickly with shaky hands and breaking voice "We used to tell each other that we are forever when we were kids"

My eyes started filling up after i heard those words and so did August's but i couldnt face him like this and turned my face away.

"Ive got to go" I mumbled and as soon as i walked around the corner, i wiped my tears away and went straight to Boris.

_

"And has your sleeping improved" The therapist asked while i couldnt stay still.
i played with my hair, bit my thumbnail and looked out of the window thinking about August.

"Mhm" i mumbled without looking at the man sitting infront of me.

"You know i cant help you if you arent honest, Ivy" He said and crossed his arms.

I stood up and started walking around nervously "I dont have to tell you anything! My mother wants me to go to these ass meetings, not me"

"Please, Ivy, sit down" Boris said in worried tone "Im here to help"

I sat down while tears started falling down my cheeks uncontrolably.

"Either way, i really think you need proper help with easing your mind" Boris said and i looked at him "You can go on denying that you dont suffer from any disorder but i see thru you, Ivy"

"What do you mean?" I sat up a bit.

"I will get you pills that will help you with the sleeping and like you mentioned before, the overthinking" He said, stood up and walked over to his table writing something on a peace of paper.

"Am i sick?" I asked and stood up as well.

"This will help you heal" Boris continued and grabbed a small box with medicine from his desk. Then he grabbed the paper and glued it on the box "Here" the therapist passed it to me and i wiped my tears grabbing the box.

"Come see me when you run out" Were his last words before i left to my room.

When I got back to my room I started crying and my mind didn't work straight. I love my brother more than anyone, but I don't know if I love him more than August. If Wille knew I spend time with this boy behind his back... he would never talk to me again.

But I decided to just fake a smile and go on with my day like everything is alright.

I walked in my Swedish class and had to pick a book from some writes in the early 1900's. After that the teacher made small groups and put me with Felice and two other girls I didn't even know.

"My name is Frida" one of the girls giggled awkwardly.

"And I am Anna" The other girl added and they gave each other a grin.

"Well, Both of you know me already so.." I mumbled and looked to the table next to our where Henry sat with Simon.

"What's up?" He asked and looked at me like he knew everything.

I shook my head and turned back to my group when Wille walked in the classroom and started talking with the teacher. She gave him the same book I had and gestured him to sit with Henry and Simon.

When my brother saw me he gave me an awkward smile that I returned and the whole class started working on the project.

I opened my laptop, but couldn't think of any way to start.. my mind was way too overwhelmed.

"Are you okay?" Felice whispered towards me so the other girls don't hear.

"Yeah, just feel sick" I mumbled and felt my stomach tighten.

Felice looked at me for a good second and I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran to my room.

I threw up in my sink and tied my hair up.

My body was definitely telling me something is wrong.

I didn't go to any classes later that day, I rotted in my bed and didn't eat or drink anything. This feeling in my belly gave me an insane nostalgia, cause when I was younger I had eating disorder that only August and Erik knew about.

As it was getting dark outside and the sun was setting, I decided to go outside for a walk and clear my mind. But before I did that, I stopped by Walter's room to ask him something.

"Ivy" He opened his room, but seemed disappointed when he saw me "you look tired.."

"Yeah, I threw up today" I mumbled quickly "but that's not why I'm here"

"Wait, what?" Walter frowned his brows "are you alright, Iv?"

"Of course" I scoffed sarcastically "I always am" .. "But hear me out, do you maybe have a pack of cigarettes for me?"

"Yes but not for you" The boy leaned against his doorframe and I rolled my eyes "especially when my girl is sick"

"Okay, first of all, I'm not sick and second, I'm not your girl" I said while Walter just grinned "and at least give me one, I really need it today"

"Fine, but only one" Wally insisted and gave me one cigarette for the night.

I walked outside, next to the cold lake and lit the cigarette with a lighter I took from Erik's room last time Wille and I were at the castle.

My mind began to lighten and I almost forgot about all my problems until I walked to the stables and saw August with Sara.

"What are you doing here?" Sara asked him with a nice tone, like she always does while I watched them from behind the door.

"I just wanted to.. talk for a bit" August said and petted the horse Sara was holding "Um, would you like to come over to my place tonight and we could... I mean like you could maybe sneak in or like, take the fire escape"

Sara looked down for a bit "but why?" She asked.

"I just needed to talk to someone" August said and it was quiet for a bit.

"Id love to" Sara smiled at him when her brother walked in on them.

"Hi. Whats up?" Simon asked and August began walking away.

"See you at rowing" He mumbled and left the stables when i made my way back to the school thinking about what intentions August has with Sara.