𝚄𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 - 𝓑𝓾𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓑𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼 [1]

16. {The L Word}

Bucky steps out onto the quiet sidewalk, the cool morning air hitting him like a slap in the face. His mind is still reeling from the argument with you, the words exchanged echoing in his head like a broken record. He needs to get away, to clear his head, to escape the suffocating atmosphere of his own thoughts, the thoughts of you. 

And as he finds his means of escape, his mind drifts back to you, like it often does, despite his best efforts to push you out of his thoughts. He knows he should hate you, and he does – your stubbornness, your defiance, your ability to get under his skin with just a look. But there's something else there too, something he can't quite put into words. It's the way his heart quickened when he woke up to find you beside him this morning, the way his pulse raced when he kissed you back in the corridor at Steve's party, the way his breath caught when he saw you standing by his window, wearing nothing but his shirt. It frustrates him to no end, this conflicting mix of emotions – the anger, the desire, the resentment, the longing. And deep down, he knows that his hatred for you might just be a reflection of his own self-loathing, his own inability to resist the pull you have over him. It's a realization that both terrifies and infuriates him, leaving him feeling more vulnerable than ever before.

Without a destination in mind, he starts walking, his footsteps echoing in the empty streets. The city is just beginning to stir, the faint light of dawn casting long shadows across the pavement. Bucky shoves his hands into his pockets, his jaw clenched with tension as he tries to make sense of the turmoil raging inside him.

He finds himself outside Steve's apartment complex before he even realizes where he's going. It's a familiar sight, one he's visited countless times before, but today it feels different. Today, it feels like a refuge, a sanctuary from the chaos of his own mind.

As he climbs the steps to Steve's door, his heart rate quickens with anticipation. He's not sure what he's expecting to find on the other side – maybe just a sympathetic ear, someone to talk to, or perhaps just a distraction from his own thoughts.

Steve opens the door, a look of concern etched on his features. "Bucky, hey," he says, stepping aside to let him in. "Are you okay?"

Bucky nods, looking indifferent. "Yeah, I just...needed to get out for a bit," he replies

Steve gives him a sympathetic smile, patting him on the shoulder. "I get it. Come on in."

But as Bucky steps inside, he's hit with a wave of unexpected sound – the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. His brow furrows in confusion. "Is someone else here?" he asks, his mind racing with possibilities.

Steve nods, a hint of hesitation in his expression. "Yeah, Natasha's here," he admits, his voice low. "She's...uh, she's using the shower."

This earns a genuine and wry smirk from Barnes as he settles casually into an armchair in Steve's apartment. "Good birthday, then?" he quips, his tone laced with humour.

Steve chuckles, the tension between them easing slightly. "Yeah, she crashed here last night," he explains, a fond smile crossing his lips. "We were...catching up."

Bucky's smirk returns, though it feels a bit forced this time. "Right, catching up," he echoes, his mind drifting back to the argument with you and the tangled mess of emotions it stirred up. "Well, I hope you two had a good time."

His smirk fades slightly as his mind wanders to thoughts of you once again, juxtaposed against the seemingly effortless connection between Steve and Natasha. He knows it's irrational, but a twinge of jealousy gnaws at him, nonetheless. It's not about Steve and Natasha specifically – he's genuinely happy for them – but rather the simplicity of their relationship compared to the tangled mess he finds himself in with you.