||its not your fault||Lestappen||

(Chapter 5)

Now seated in his car the Monegasque feels like he doesn't belong there, getting deja vu from corners he has crashed in, he got a good time of 1:21.345, faster than Mercedes at least. The standings were Max, Carlos, Oscar then him. 'why couldn't i be quicker?' 'is it my fault?' he sighed taking off his wheel and getting out of the car putting it back and heading to his drivers room. FP2 and FP3 were the same, he didn't get better but worse, now its 4 hours before qualifying and Charles felt like shit, like he would breakdown anytime and didnt really want to see anyone. he bumped into someone causing him to feel light-headed and fall, to his surprise its Oscar. "ay mate im sorry" oscar offers his hand to help him up but someone pushes him out the way angrily "why did you knock him down. watch where your going little freak." Max? max then helps Charles up "hows your back.?" Charles glares at Max "why did you say that to Oscar!" Charles got up and limps after Oscar "Oscar wait im sorry!" Charles stops as Oscar turned around "i dont know whats wrong with Max but you have something to do with it!" the Australian snaps at Charles causing him to flinch. he ran to his drivers room and locked the door.

he sat in his drivers room for 2 hours while everyone else was getting food he hears a knock on the door and he gets up and opens it. "the fuck do you want!" the younger snaps "Compañero de equipo, chill" he calms down hearing the Spaniard speaking Spanish.
"Carlos sorry." Charles fiddles with his fingers afraid of the taller driver "its okay mate" he enters the Monegasques room hugging him "Charles whats going on mate?" the Spaniard let go of the hug. "i dont know Carlos im fine i swear!" Carlos nods "im always here okay Charles? dont by afraid to reach out to me or Fred even anyone on the grid we all care okay?" Charles didnt believe him why would people like Max, Checo, Lando and the others care maybe Fernando.. ill talk to him? "Okay Carlo" Carlos grins at the nickname 'Carlo' "Carlo?" Charles nods "unless you want Carly.?" "nope stick with Carlo or Carlos." he nods.

Qualifying started well for Charles he was in P4 and made his way to P2 behind Max. thats the position he will start the race tomorrow.

around 1 hour after Quali Charles found himself walking to the Aston Martin Paddock avoiding everyone and the cameras, he found himself knocking on Fernando's driver room's door and around a second later the elder opened it "Nando!" he smiles "hey Charlie what can i do for you kid?" Charles smiles, he loved it when Fernando called him Charlie. "Can i speak to you privately?" Fernando nods opening the door more for Charles and he entered. "i don't want to race anymore i feel like I'm not good enough.." Fernando frowns "Charlie. you are good enough you deserve that Ferrari seat i promise." Charles smiles "i really needed that Nando.. please dont tell the others i really trust you.." Fernando nods. "its safe with me, chase your dreams Charlie, Jules would be proud." He smiles at the mention of Jules being proud. "thank you so much!" he snuck out of the Aston Martin paddock and bumped into someone on his way back to ferrari.

Max.. for fuck sake Charles!

"What a loser falling over are we? watch where your goin' " he helps him up. that put Charles mood in the gutter again just the word loser. grow up, he told himself. "thanks." he mumbled walking to the Ferrari paddock again.

once he was in his drivers room he rolled up his sleeve looking at his week old cuts and some from the other day. still not healing. whats wrong with me? what if i bleed in the car? who cares. nobody. he sighs getting out his small dagger and cutting higher up on his arm it didn't get a kick like lower on his wrist but helped him focus on Ferrari's strategies for the race tomorrow. he bandaged it sloppy and rolled his sleeve back down throwing the small dagger in his room he would find tomorrow for packing.