Counting Down the Days » Phan AU

One

I watched him turn and walk away from me, rolling his small brown suitcase behind him.

He turned back around and stared at me for a moment. His eyes stood out against his skin, the mix of green, yellow, and blue.

He dropped his suitcase at his feet and ran back at me.

"I'll miss you Dan," he whispered in my ear when he had reached me and pulled me in to an overwhelming hug.

"I'll miss you too Phil. But it's only a few months, remember. And we can write to each other," I managed to choke out, despite the hot lump forming in my throat.

He sniffed and nodded his head. I could tell he was on the brink of crying again.

"I'm so sorry," I choked, running my fingers through his black hair.

He bit his lip. "It isn't your fault."

"I know. It isn't anybody's," I mumbled.

Phil stepped away from me as he gave me one last kiss.

"I love you, Dan," he said.

"I love you too, Phil. I'll miss you," I said, biting the inside of my mouth so I didn't burst into tears.

He waved, turned away, and walked in the opposite direction.

I remembered the day we first met, in this train station. It had been 3 years to date. As I watched him board the train, I couldn't help it anymore. I started bawling.

I hopped on the train home, still crying slightly, and took a seat. Then, I pulled my little notepad out of my back pocket and flipped it open. I slid the pen out from the notepad's metal spirals.

Dan's entry- 23 of June

Phil has just left for good. His mother has been diagnosed with cancer and sadly she only has a few more months to live. He's going to see her, to be with her in her last days. I've never met Phil's family, as they live so far away, but I can imagine how hard this must be for Phil. I already miss him. He will be back in a month or so, and we will write to each other, but it will still be lonely. I have no other friends but Phil Lester.

I closed the notepad and shoved it back into my pocket as the train pulled to a stop and I began to stand up.

I exited and walked away. My flat was just a few blocks away from the train station.

When I got home, I pulled out the key, unlocked the door, rushed inside, and collapsed on the floor.

"Who am I kidding?" I said to myself. "I can't last without Phil for so long. What am I supposed to do?" I beat my fist against the carpet.

After laying miserably on the ground for about 15 minutes I decided that if I was going to be able to live on my own for a few months I needed to be able to cope with my sadness.

I rolled across the room and sat up in front of the TV. I clicked it on and grabbed an xbox controller.

After playing Super Mario Bros for over 3 hours and not forgetting about Phil once during the whole experience, I switched it off, as it wasn't helping.

I moved into my room and sat down at my desk. I picked up a pencil and ripped a piece of paper from a pad on the desk.

Dear Phil,

It's only been a day since you left and I'm already losing my mind. I don't know how I'll make it without you for over a month. I need to find someone to keep my mind off you. I haven't seen or spoke to my family in over six years, so that won't work. I don't know what I'll do.