Counting Down the Days » Phan AU

Five

Dan's entry- 5 of July

I fell asleep on the bathroom floor last night. I want to get help, but at the same time, I don't. I know I shouldn't be doing this to myself, but I can't help it.

I stood up and straightened out my back. It cracked unpleasantly. I could feel the shallow indent the floor tile left in my cheek after sleeping with my face pressed against the cold ground the night before.

I left the blade on the rug near the sink and didn't think about it again.

I needed to get out again. Normally the outside world evokes a terrible discomfort in me, and I would rather sit and watch anime or X-Files with Phil, but Phil isn't here, and I knew that every minute sitting alone in the disgusting, lonely flat was bad for me. I picked up my phone and called PJ.

"Hey, what's going on?" he said, his voice flowing from the phone pressed against my cheek.
"Can we do something? I'm going insane."
PJ understood. "I'll be at your place in 10 minutes."

We spent the day walking through the obscure parts of town I had never seen before, and frankly it was the best day I had had since Phil left. PJ was a hopeful person, and his sunshiney vibe seemed to flow through the air and into me.

I checked my watch. 7:45.
"Do you mind if we head over to my friend Chris' house? He's great, you'll like him. Another youtuber!"

I smiled and nodded. We slid into PJ's car. The ride to Chris' wasn't too long. PJ clicked on a Origin of Symmetry, an amazing album by my favorite band Muse. It was strange to listen to. I loved it, but it reminded me of Phil. We would play it from my bluetooth speaker as we lay in bed, his fingers twisting around my hair.

We pulled into a parking spot, and left the car. I followed PJ silently to the door, the song still lingering in my brain. It was the first time I had listened to music since Phil left.

"Aye!" Chris called energetically when he opened the door to see PJ. He took a step in, and Chris hugged him. He rested him head on his shoulder and I saw him smile and squeeze his eyes a little. I recognized the face at once, understanding. Chris loved him. A lot.

Chris pulled away and stepped back to invite us in.

"This is Dan, a good friend," PJ explained.

I smiled and mumbled "hey" to Chris.

"Nice to meet you Dan!"

Chris' was fun. We laughed a lot. I was genuinely happy. I also noticed the sparking connection between Chris and PJ. My best guess was that they weren't dating, but they had a mutual love for each other. It was cute to watch them lowkey flirt, no matter how much it was reminding me of Phil.

Dan's entry 2- 5 of July

Spending time with other people is certainly a good choice for me. I can feel their positive energy and it rubs off on me. I don't know what this means for me, but it's a nice feeling.