Somewhere Only We Go

Chapter 27 (Part 1)

Kabir

My father was dead. He died a month ago and my mother didn't tell me. Worse, she prohibited everyone else from informing me. Maybe that was what my father wanted, wouldn't be unlikely since he hated me. It's been three days since we came back to Delhi, and we never attended the party on Sunday. As soon as I saw the message on my phone, I fainted. It was Avi who got me to bed and a few minutes later when I opened my eyes the first thing he did was hold me, we didn't say anything because he knew. He had seen the message on my phone the screen of which was cracked. It felt symbolic of my life. I didn't cry, we just sat there, my head on his chest, his hands wrapped around me. I wanted to sleep but right before going to bed, Avi asked me what I wanted to do and for a minute I considered staying, I didn't know how all of this would have affected Avi, his parents wouldn't like it, I was sure about that. But then I felt nothing, and I knew I was creating problems for Avi when I told him I wanted to go home or when we stepped on that flight the next morning, and until we landed, I knew. Throughout the return journey, I knew but as soon as we landed, my mind shut down, and I couldn't care less. I was in Delhi and I considered going to Noida.

When Avi asked his driver to take us home, I knew he meant his apartment and I didn't ask otherwise. Where else was I supposed to go? My 1bhk flat which I could barely call home or the house I grew up in that no longer wanted me. I was too tired to care about anything. Since we came back all I have done is slept. I wake up because Avi brings me food, then feeds me and I go back to sleep. My dreams were all about the years I had lived with my parents. I had a regular middle-class upbringing. We never had bigger luxuries in life, but I was never deprived of anything. At least not until I ended up disappointing my parents. Then they took away the biggest privilege I had. They took away their love and care. I was in college when they disowned me, and I never turned back. Maybe I should have tried harder.

"I'll take care of it." Avi was talking to someone, I didn't know he had visitors. But I didn't hear any second voice so maybe he was on the phone. I don't think he has gone to his office even once in the last two days. The t-shirt I was wearing had started stinking, that was my cue to get up and take a shower at least.

I heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking and for a second thought about pretending to be asleep to avoid talking but Avi deserved better.

"You are awake," Avi says as he sits on the side and presses his hand over my forehead. "You had a little fever last night, but it's all good now." I didn't even realize that.

"Hungry?" I nodded.

"I was busy with meetings since morning so I didn't get time to cook, I'll order something." I nodded again. I need to thank him, tell him it's fine, he doesn't have to cook every meal for me, and he is already doing enough but words just won't come.

"Want to take a shower? You will feel slightly better, trust me."

"Too tired," I mumbled.

"I'll help you." He whispered.

I nodded again.

Avi helped me out of the clothes and then took off his shirt. It should have told a lot about my mental state that for the first time I was gawking at his perfect body, the body I was obsessed with. That was when I realized he was wearing a formal shirt but her pants were casual.

"Are you working from home?" I asked.

"Yes, I wasn't going to leave you alone."

But I did. I hadn't forgotten everything that happened in Goa, but I was so messed up in my thoughts that I had left him alone.

"But I have to go to the hospital in the evening, I'll be back in an hour, it won't take long."

"Hospital?" I asked.

"Yes, I think they can cut the stitches now." He said waving his hand but winced immediately.

"You are lying."

"I...am not lying." He said avoiding eye contact. And then he sighed. "Okay fine. I do need to go to the hospital for my hand but I don't think these stitches are getting cut today. The pain increased a little that's why I didn't cook today. I just thought of getting it checked once."

"Shit, why didn't you tell me?" That brought back some sort of feelings back in me. "Did this happen because of me?"

"Kabir, baby I am not a child, I know how to take care of an injury. I shouldn't have cooked back-to-back meals but I wanted you to have some comfort and I hoped home-cooked meal would work."

My eyes were filled with tears and this time I didn't bother stopping them. Instead, I threw myself in Avi's arms, my safe place, the arms that always catch me.

"I don't know what to do Avi. I wanted to reach out to my mother but she didn't even tell me, she didn't want me to know. And it hurts so bad, I never got a chance to make up with him, I never got a chance to tell him that I was still his son. He gave up on me but I gave up on him too, you know. It...it...hurts so bad."

"I know baby." Avi kept whispering that he was here and I was not alone anymore.

My knees gave in and I fell on the floor dragging Avi with me. I press my face in his chest and cry my heart out. I knew it wasn't enough but it was a start. After three days of pretending I was okay, and all it took was one small gesture from Avi and I gave up the fight.

"It hurts Avi, they didn't even let me say goodbye. How could they do this?"