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Life Changes In The Blink Of An Eye

It's been six months since the incident at the hotel, and four months since I've been back at work. Everyone still treats me differently, I don't know if they'll ever look at me the same way again. I know Spencer hasn't.

Thankfully when we're on the job he can hide it, Hotch would pull me from the team if he saw the way Spencer acts when we're not on the clock. The constant hovering, the clinginess, he's so scared still.

Even right now, he locked the hotel room door when we got in, but he's gotten up to check it every ten minutes. Staying in hotels has been hard for him. I think his ptsd from it is worse than mine.

"Spence, the door is locked, we're fine. Ezekiel is dead, no one is going to come bursting in." I wrapped my arms around him when he sat back down on the bed. He let out a heavy sigh leaning into me.

"You got shot, four times, Derrick got shot, and I was getting coffee." His voice came out in a mere whisper as I pulled him down into the bed. Spencer usually wouldn't say it, the fact he just did is progress.

"And you're alive because I wanted coffee, hell so are me and Derrick." I gave him a little smile ruffling his hair. His face didn't seem to change. He looked annoyed with my lack of seriousness about it if anything.

"Addy, I watched you almost die. I came back to the sound of gunshots and you in a pool of blood, you almost died." Spencer held onto me tighter than he ever had before. He gently buried his face in my hair trying to hide his tears, but I could hear it in his voice.

"I know, but I'm still here. I'm not leaving you, I promise." I pressed my lips to his head, gently running my fingers through the little curls that form in his hair that I love so much.

"I love you too much to lose you Addy, me and Edi need you." Spencer finally lifted his face from my neck, the tear stains still on his cheeks. "If I lost you I think I'd go crazy."

"I know, last thing we need is you going all Lex Luthor on us." I ruffled his hair getting a little smile out of him.

"I wouldn't look good bald." Spencer let out a little laugh before sighing again. He rolled over next to me staring up at the ceiling. "You're sure you don't want to go back to being a surgeon?"

"Oh that's not any safer. That's how I got shot the first time." I sighed looking over to him. "We had a shooter in the hospital. My dad and I were the targets. We lost two nurses, three interns, two surgeons, and a resident. We had so many others that got injured. My dad and I both got shot."

"You never told me that." Spencer quietly spoke up looking over to me. "Is that why you joined the FBI?"

"Not exactly. My ptsd was too bad to stay, I watched my dad almost die, I got shot while operating on him, and when I woke up I found out my girlfriend was dead." I sighed looking back to the ceiling to keep myself from dwelling on the memories. "I joined DWB, met Ewan, and he accidentally put the idea in my head."

"That's why your dad almost killed me at the hospital?" I nodded in agreement never looking away from the ceiling. "He was so scared. We all were, I don't think I've really processed it yet."

"Do you need to talk about it?" I turned his face to meet mine. I watched his expression slowly change, it faded into this broken, scared look.

"Derrick kept screaming for you. He kept begging you to answer him. But you couldn't, there was so much blood." Spencer slowly started to devolve into sobs putting his hand over his face. "If you hadn't of cut your hand on that glass, if we never brought your medical bag into the hotel room, logically you should be dead."

"I'm a Buckley, we're stubborn, plus I had a really cute doctor." I nudged him trying to get a smile. Spencer's sobs didn't seem to waiver at all. "Spence, I'm okay, so is Derrick. I just have a few more battle scars."