Warped || Kohnnie

Chapter Fourteen

BRYAN

"Johnnie?" I call out through the bus.

"Yep." He calls back, his voice coming from the bathroom.

I walk over to the bathroom and watch as he struggles to tame his hair. "I really need to talk to you."

Johnnie puts the giant can of hairspray and turns toward me with a serious expression, "What about?"

"Well I saw something last night..." I trail off, recalling the scene.

Johnnie's face turns bright red. "I don't know what it was, I don't  know what it was, I don't know what we are."

"What?" I ask extremely confused. "I saw Damon and Cyr fucking on the couch."

"Oh." He turns even more red, "Never mind..."

"No, now you have to tell me." I smirk, knowing that it had something to do with Kyle.

"Me and Kyle kinda..." Johnnie blushes, looking down to the ground. "kissed."

"What?" I scream, probably alarming some people outside. "Wait, are you serious?"

"Yeah..." He laughs.

"Well it looks like everybody has found somebody except for me." I laugh on the outside, but on the inside it really hurt. I had never been very fortunate in the dating category. Most of the fans are after Johnnie and Damon. They see me like the big brother or the best friend, but it's always been like that.

"Bryan you're only 25, no need to rush it." Johnnie smiles with sympathy.

"5 years and I'm 30, Johnnie." I sigh. "I won't be able to have anybody will I?"

"Bryan, don't you dare say that. You have an entire line of fans out their who would give anything to even talk to you." Johnnie says with a serious expression.

"All of them see me as silly Bryan. All of them see you as the hot one. None of them like me like that." I sigh, my eyes watering a bit as reality hits me.

"I'm going to end up alone, Johnnie." I choke, rubbing the tears away furiously.

"Bryan, you know-"

"No, Johnnie I don't know. And you don't know what it feels like. You're attractive. You could have any girl here, any boy here. You have Kyle. I have nobody." I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Bryan don't say that." Johnnie sighs, seeming annoyed with me.

"I-i'm sorry." I choke as tears roll down my cheeks. "I gotta go."

Johnnie tries to grab me, but I am already out the door.

 I ran for awhile, just wanting to get away from everybody. I needed to get away from them, from everybody who ever doubted me. I needed to pull myself together, but I knew that wouldn't happen.

I finally came to a stop at a small pond. It was beautiful, surrounded by beautiful trees and lush green grass. I sat down in the grass and bury my face in my hands.

It is true. Everything I had said is true. I'm going to end up alone, all by myself. 

I look down to the muggy pond water that was just clear enough for me to see my own reflection. I don't blame anybody, I wouldn't want me either. I'm too skinny, my hairs too curly, my skin is too pale, my hands are too big, my face is covered with ugliness.

I look down to my wrist, remembering the days when I couldn't handle it. When everything was just too much to handle. I remember finding the razor in my dad's tool box, sitting there and just taunting me. Like it wanted to cut through my skin.

I remember how hopeless I had felt. How alone I was. And nobody even realized what I was going through because I put on a mask for them. I hid my sad, depressed, falling apart self from them so that they wouldn't worry. I wasn't Bryan around them. I was fake.

And all of those memories just kept flooding back into my memory. All of the times I felt useless, unwanted, annoying, pointless. Every single time I brought that razor to my skin because  I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel something that wouldn't go away or hurt me emotionally. But nobody ever noticed. To them I was a happy, joyful little boy.

I trace over the deepest one, the one closest to my vein. I am going to end up alone. I am going to grow old by myself. My parents will die, my friends, my family. What's the point?

"BRYAN!" I hear a deep voice call out from behind me. No doubt Johnnie had sent him.

"Please don't." I sob, not having the guts to turn around.

"Bryan you know I care about you." He says, his voice becoming closer every step he took.

"No, not the way I care about you." My body shakes from the amount of anxiety coursing through my body.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, confusion evident in his husky voice.

I turn to look at him, everything about him is perfection. His hair, his face, his muscle, his jawline.

"You shouldn't have come down here, you're only going to make it worse." I choke, trying to stop myself from crying.

"What the hell are you talking about Bryan?" He asks, furrowing his perfect eyebrows.

"I fucking love you and I'm going to end up fucking alone and I know that you don't like me. That's what I'm fucking talking about, Andy." I sob out, trying desperately not to make eye contact with him.

"What?" He whispers softly. 

"Please don't say anything, okay? I know that you don't like me, I just wanted you to know that you being here is going to make this much worse on me." I shake my head, not wanting to hear the words spill from his beautiful lips.

"Bryan." I jump as I realize he is right next to me, breathing heavily into my ear. "Don't ever for a second..." He trails off, grabbing my jaw and forcing me to look into his icy blue eyes. "doubt yourself."

I shiver at how close our lips were, close enough to...

"Why are you doing this?" I ask, tears slipping softly from my eyes.

He wipes the tears away with his thumb and looks me in the eyes, again.  He doesn't say anything, he just pushes my back to the ground, putting both hands on either side of my head, straddling me.

My breath caught as I stared back at him. This was probably a joke. No way-

"I'm doing this." He moved his lips closer to mine. "because I want to."

He looks into my eyes once more before pushing his perfect plump lips to mine, causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

He pulls away, but only for a moment. "And because I love you, too." He smiles, and then pushes his lips back into mine.

 

I think everybody needs to see this video [to the side/top]