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Since the moment I saw her I loved her. Since the moment we had our first conversation I was in love with her.
She invaded my senses like a honey bees their hives. I worshipped her the same way, dedicating my existence to her.
She rambled on and on about the new boy she entertained to fill in my place.
No one could tho, I took pride in that. In being her favorite.
"Bey, are you listening?"
"You know I am Oni."
She flipped on her stomach, maneuvered my space like it was her own; because it was.
She looked at me, a all too familiar stare.
I sighed before beginning to speak. "Some dude name Ray-"
"Kay" She corrected.
"Kay." I paused. "Left you on delivered after you asked him how he felt about spanking, correct?"
She smiled that sweet oblivious smile.
"Correct." She gleamed.
She continued ranting and I continued half listening.
Times like this I couldn't help but hate her. I always hated her but it outweighed the love more now.
She was her routinely selfish self while my emotions felt the need to break routine.
Break the normality in her selfishness. Break the comfortablity in her entitlement, or at least mine.
Until my emotions felt the need to break the facade I created, telling me this all was okay.
That I was okay.
I wasn't. She wasn't.
Shw went looking for a love, or the closest thing to it in a place it never was.
Filling a hole that only becomes endless when improperly filled.
Like putting tape on a busted pipe, its only a matter a time before the issue is staring you back in the face.
The insecurities, daddy issues, mommy issues.
Everything she's running from grabs hold of her and reaches out for me, fully expecting me to save her.
And I do.
Like being the narrator and a character simultaneously, I know what's going to happen, how it'll effect me.
Narrators and characters don't have the power to rewrite the story though.
I play my role, my mind screaming at me, my heart screaming right back at it.
Or maybe my heart isn't involved at all, just two parts of my brain.
Logical and Insane.
