A young doctor unexpectedly finds herself forced to indoctrinate into a paramilitary organization, where a stoic hero silently falls in love. Slowly, he earns her trust. The love between them burns away the darkness of the past and acts as a beacon...
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I breathed in Solan's words and savored the moment, refusing to let my trauma ruin an opportunity to learn more about this incredible man.
Solan held my eyes, which teemed with an odd vulnerability. "As fucked up as it is, I think it's better that the Troop died together. I can't..."
Solan let out a sigh, scrubbing the back of his neck nervously. "My biggest fear is leading our team into a situation we don't all make it out of. I can't imagine moving on from something like that."
He dropped his hands, shoving them into his pockets. "Being responsible for people I love makes me hyper-aware of my inadequacies." He said, lips pulling into a thin line. "I've had plenty of shortcomings over the last decade." He assured me earnestly. "I care about the team and what the Troop fights for... I know caring is a good thing, but it makes it more painful when I fall short. I know I'll never be enough to fix what's broken in this world. No matter what I give, it's not good enough, and I just... want more." He shrugged, looking wayward.
"More blood to bleed, pain to feel, miles to walk, thoughts to think. More control. More time. More... words... or at least, more effective words. More to sacrifice. I just... I wish that if I could give enough and endure long enough, I'd cross whatever finish I'm line moving towards, but sometimes it's not a matter of endurance. I've stood with empty hands. Stuck. Just short of what I want to accomplish, and no way to move another step forward. It's the worst feeling." He muttered, shifting on his heels.
His eyes lifted to mine. "If my inadequacies get you, Aldric, or Arthur hurt... I... well... I don't know if I could ever move past that." Solan shrugged.
His words struck a familiar chord of grief within my chest.
Solan wears his pain so beautifully.
Holding his eyes, I spoke the words that swelled within me.
"This is all finite," I whispered. "These things we can see, touch, hear, and count – like the seconds ticking away. We don't get more, and I've felt the pain that can create." I whispered. "But Solan, I've experienced the power of your soul, and I've witnessed the strength of your character. You're not inadequate." I said forcefully, holding his eyes confidently. "Your job is difficult. Sometimes, impossible."
I thought back to how impossible it was for me to save my family and my home. I would have done anything, sacrificed anything to stop the terror, the death. But it was impossible. There was nothing I could give or do to accomplish that. I had been stuck in the same way Solan had described. I was stuck, watching everything around me burn.
I forced the horrific thoughts away and continued speaking, breathing good news into the darkness of reality.
"But every impossible situation comes to an end. At the end of the impossible, there is still life to live and hope to find in the things that are possible." I paused, grateful for what had been possible for me, possibilities Solan crafted. He taught me that no matter what, there is hope.
