Secrets | 5SOS

[11]

Slowly, my consciousness began to return, like a fog lifting from my mind. The sterile scent of the hospital filled my senses, and I became aware of the rhythmic beeping of monitors nearby.

I blinked groggily, my eyes struggling to adjust to the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital room. I felt disoriented, as if I had been pulled from a deep slumber against my will.

As my surroundings came into focus, I realized that I was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by white walls and the faint hum of medical equipment. Panic gripped my chest as I tried to piece together what had happened.

The last thing I remembered was feeling lightheaded and dizzy, my vision blurring as the world spun around me. And then... darkness.

"Isabella?"

The voice was soft, familiar, and I turned my head to see Michael sitting beside my bed, his eyes filled with worry.

"Michael," I croaked, my voice barely audible. "What happened?"

Michael's expression softened, and he reached out to gently brush a strand of hair from my face. "You passed out, Bella. You hadn’t eaten in a while. You've developed some nutrient deficiences too."

The memories flooded back, and I felt a pang of guilt wash over me. I had let my anxiety and depression consume me, pushing myself to the brink of collapse.

"Thank you, Michael," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. "I don’t know what i would've done without you."

Michael smiled, his gaze warm and reassuring. "You don’t have to do anything alone, Bella. We’re all here for you."

As if on cue, the door to my hospital room opened, and Luke entered, his expression grave.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Luke asked gently, his eyes filled with concern.

I managed a weak nod, the events of the past few days weighing heavily on my mind. "I’m okay, I guess. Just tired."

Luke nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "You’ve been through a lot, Bella. But you’re strong, and you’re going to get through this. I was talking to your doctor, he said you were severely underweight and the scars on your arms were concerning. Bella, you know there are different ways to handle your emotions honey."

Before I could respond, Ashton burst into the room, his expression frantic. "Isabella, are you okay?"

I nodded, offering him a small smile. "I’m okay, Ash. Just tired."

Ashton’s gaze softened, and he sat down beside my bed, his hand reaching out to grasp mine. "We need to talk, Bella. About your eating disorder and self harming habits."

I felt a wave of panic wash over me at his words, but I knew that it was a conversation that needed to happen. With a deep breath, I nodded, steeling myself for what was to come.

Ashton squeezed my hand gently, his eyes filled with concern. "When was the last time you ate?"

"3 days ago."
Luke nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "You’ve been through a lot, Bella. But you’re strong, and you’re going to get through this. I was talking to your doctor. He said you were severely underweight and the scars on your arms were concerning. Bella, you know there are healthier ways to handle your emotions, honey."

Just then, Calum burst into the room, his face pale with worry. "Bella, I came as soon as I heard. Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside me. "Calum, I'm okay. Or at least, I’m trying to be."

Calum joined the others by my bed, his expression mirroring the concern in Ashton and Luke’s eyes.

"Bella whats pushing you down?"

I felt the tears welling up again, unable to hold them back. "I know. It’s just...Mom and Dad always said things like 'You’re too sensitive,' and 'Why can’t you be more like your brothers?' Those words stick with me. I don’t want them to, but they do. I feel like I’m never good enough."

Michael, who had been standing quietly, stepped closer. "Bella, those words are not true. You are more than enough. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations but your own."

I nodded, tears streaming down my face. "I know the scars on my arms aren't something to be proud of. I hate that they’re there. I’m just struggling so much, and sometimes it feels like hurting myself is the only way to cope."

"Can i see them?" Calum silently asked, running his fingers over them.

"They weren't all me, Cal. Only a few of the scars were self-inflicted. Mom did the other ones, she said its what i deserve. And my eating too, I'm really trying but its so hard without her words repeating in my head, reminding me about how disgusting i am."

"Oh sweetheart, i wish you came to us about this sooner. But it's okay, we'll help you get through this."