God, you were so nervous.
You stood outside of Yelena's apartment where you knew her older sister was staying, but the blonde was currently in Ohio visiting her parents. The early summer air whipped around you, sun shining down in the New York heat, and you kept pulling at the hem of your shorts. You glanced around anxiously, not looking for anyone or anything in particular, but you needed something to ground you. You tapped the toe of your jogger against the top of the stoop, smoothing down your tee shirt, and taking a deep breath.
If you stayed outside any longer, you'd probably start sweating and psych yourself out, so you lifted your fist, hesitating more than you should, but then you jumped back when the door swung open, an equally surprised redhead facing you.
Her hair was in a messy braid, her gorgeous green eyes red rimmed, and she was wearing sweats that could probably use a wash, she looked beautiful, but she seemed so skeptical – almost like she didn't think you were standing in front of her.
"Hi." You offered shyly, feeling a bit foolish, and she narrowed her eyes.
"You're...here," Her tone was hesitant, almost like she was slowly convincing herself, but then she shook her head like that was a ridiculous thing to say before, "Hi. I didn't know you were coming."
"Well, I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by."
She furrowed her eyebrows with a frown, seemingly thinking out loud when she muttered, "I thought you were in Japan."
"Mhm," You nodded tightly, caught, and there was a ghost of a smile across her lips, "Were you headed out? I don't wanna keep you."
"Yeah – I mean, no, just," She shook her head, gathering her thoughts, and then she stepped aside so you could get through the door, "Come in. Please."
You ducked inside and waited for her to lock up again before you followed her to the elevator to head up to the apartment.
You both stood side by side facing the door, close enough to touch, but not daring to, after she pressed the right floor and you felt like you couldn't breathe when the back of her hand brushed yours with purpose.
"Bucky said you've been working a lot," You broke the silence in a mild panic, and she hummed, "That's...good," You settled on, not really knowing where you were going with that, "I mean, it's um, it's good to keep busy, I guess. Or to chill out and do nothing. Balance is a thing I hear is healthy – work hard, play harder. Or...something. I'm sorry, I'll shut up now."
She chuckled quietly, side glancing you with a slight turn of her head as the doors dinged opened, "Do me a favor?"
"Name it."
"It's been three months, two weeks, and four days. I've had enough," You were confused by what she meant until she smirked, stepping out as you followed behind without question, "Never stop talking to me again, yeah?"
You smiled to yourself, the warmth returning to your heart, and you tried not to get your hopes up, but it felt like a good start.
"Promise."
"Glad that's settled," She unlocked the door and you both stepped inside – it was messier than you remembered, but you hardly noticed as she made her way towards the kitchen and you lingered near the living room, "Now, do want me to make you a cup of tea? I remember how you like it."
"Black. Not that hard to remember," You teased and then just talking about it made you and someone writing your story wish so, "Yeah, I'd take a cup, thanks."
Pause. Making meself some.
Back. Burned meself. Worth it.
You gradually made your way to the sofa, shifting around a bit after sitting down, and it was quiet as she busied herself around the kitchen until she was bringing the cups in.
She set them down on the coffee table after you moved some magazines over that you could tell were Yelena's, sitting next to you. She wiped her hands on the thighs of her jeans twice, her breathing a little unsteady, and you realized she was probably just as nervous. She fiddled with her fingers, and you knew it wasn't because she was dying to drink the too hot tea because she hardly liked the beverage anyway.
"It's weird." You blurted and you both shared a look before laughing.
She nodded a few times, smiling some, "It is."
"I gotta ask," You took a deep breath and looked at her, her eyes shining with so much openness that it made you a little dizzy, "Did you listen to the album?"
"I did."
"I didn't mean – I was angry for some of it."
"It's fine," She waved it off, "I did go behind your back with getting that post deleted. And you're a songwriter, it was expected, but I hate that I loved every single song."
"You look like shit, by the way." You tried not to smile, knowing by the look she was giving you, it didn't work, but then she was busy pretending to be offended.
"You don't look much better!" She laughed and you grinned when she knocked her shoulder against yours, adding, "I still can't believe you yelled at me."
You gaped at her, "You deleted smitten mittens!"
Her smile dimmed a little, "I know. And I regretted it so much. Still do," She leaned on her elbows, burying her face in her hands, "I'm such an idiot."
"You're not."
"I let the best thing to ever happen to me slip away. And then I just..." She shook her head, turning towards you, "You know I flew to Italy two days later?"
You couldn't hide your surprise, "What? You did?"
"Parked right outside your gate and just sat there. For hours," She laughed at herself, "I think I was hoping you'd leave so we ran into each other or something. I don't know," She shrugged, smiling at you, "On a scale of one to a hundred, how pathetic is that?"
"Hmm," You pretended to think, and she shoved you playfully, "I would say sixty-nine."
She rolled her eyes, laugh around her words, "Of course, you would."
There was a beat of silence as you both sipped your tea and you made the decision to scoot back on the couch, turning to sit back against the armrest pretzel style, then she did the same, facing you, so there was only one seat cushion in between.
"I did you a favor," You started, and she seemed curious, "So, can you do me one?"
"Name it."
You tried not to smile at that, clearing your throat softly, "Okay, so, I have to tell you something and I want you to promise not to interrupt until I'm done."
She nodded, a bit more serious, "Promise."
You took a deep breath – you had prepared a bit of this outside her apartment building's door and you prayed you'd remember the important bits, "I'm tired," You started, and she tilted her head with a small frown, "I'm tired of being used as a puppet to scam fans with ridiculous ticket and merch prices – I'm tired of pretending I'm something I'm not with stunts and fake posts and a certain image. I've been tired for a long time," You assured so she wouldn't think it was because you met her – in truth, it was only enhanced when you did, "So, for the past few months, I've been trying different things. Experimenting with music I want to write, doing gigs like I had in university when me and Atlas were just starting out and having small, free meet and greets, going out with friends," You smiled, taking a deep breath, "When you left, I felt like utter shit – hell, before you opened the door, I still did. It's hard to enjoy food or a good movie or laugh much these days, but what I've been doing? The music side of my life? It's been everything. It's kept me alive. And it's not work or pressure like it was when I was paying a thousand people's salaries. It's just me and a handful of people behind the scenes and it's never felt more authentic," She seemed genuinely proud and happy for you, but then looked concerned when you frowned again, "But you're still gone, and half my heart is still with you," You took another deep breath, trying not to tear up at remembering some low points in the last few months, "So, yeah, I'm very dramatic and sensitive and when I want something, I can be like a child and I get jealous and selfish and I just...no, please," You smirked, "Don't interrupt me."
She smiled softly, blinking slowly, "You told me not to, dorogoy."
"And you listened??"
She snorted a laugh and then shook her head with a smile, "I'm so in love with you."
