Join the Dance

xv. Forbidden to See

... and this card,
Which is blank, is something he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see.

T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

Kate missed her siblings.

She was watching the three Savages huddle around Rafe, recounting the most interesting exploits of their day, which mainly involved how Abigail had bought Changeable Candies. These changed taste depending on how you were feeling. Or at least (Jake and Beetles were keen to point out), that was what they were advertised as doing.

Kate tried to laugh. She tried to join in on the talking and even tried to smile, but no matter what, she kept feeling a gentle ache in her chest which for once was not the fault of the Atlas.

Only five more days, she told herself, rubbing her thumb over her locket. Then I'll go back, and see what trouble they've got up to.

She sat on an armchair. It was very Victorian, with a dark purple pattern that looked like pansies. This whole room was very Victorian; she supposed that should make sense. The wallpaper was brown and patterned with what looked like wheat, there were black-and-white photographs over the mantelpiece, and there was a distinct smell of pine which must've come from a Christmas tree somewhere. There were two doorways on the one wall; she could see through one - a kitchen - but not the other.

Nell, Rafe's friend, was watching her. Kate kept pretending to laugh at the kids, and Nell went into the kitchen without saying anything. She was a nice girl. But it was unnerving being stared at like she knew something Kate didn't. She was too much like Rafe in that respect.

Now Kate watched Abigail. Jake and Beetles had immediately leaped on Rafe as he recovered on the sofa, but Abigail stood back a little, chewing on her Changeable Candies.

Kate liked to be around Abigail; she was so incredibly like Emma. She said 'stupid' ín exactly the same way, and they both held their heads like nothing could affect them. And yet, for two nights, Abigail had crawled into Kate's bed and curled up to her like a cat, her small body delicate and afraid even if she wanted to appear brave and ferocious. Just like Emma.

"Try a candy!" Abigail was saying to Rafe.

"Nah, I don't want to be sick." He leaned away when Abigail tried to feed him one.

"You must be really hurt, then. Is it cos you're so old, so you lose more fights?"

"I didn't lose." Rafe slumped against the cushions.

Kate thought he did look terrible. It seemed he'd had his head knocked and his palms slit. Nell had cared for the injuries, judging by the bandages on his hands - with them on, he was struggling to drink something from a mug.

"Why don't you go back to the church?" he sighed.

"It's called the Hideout, Rafe," corrected Abigail, this time reminding Kate of Michael.

"Yeah," said Jake. "And why would we go back? Nell's making us dinner. Won't haveta peel potatoes!" He sucked on a red candy. "What is that?" he grimaced. "Not raspberry."

"Retch-berry," laughed Beetles, watching him gag.

Kate thought that if Emma and Michael were here, they would have purposefully been making each other feel bad. Emma would be inventing names for Michael, and Michael would be writing a list of the different flavours in alphabetical order, with an index of correlating emotions. And like Rafe, Kate would be refusing to take the bait of trying one.

Unfortunately, thinking about them make her amusement die down. Behind Rafe, the rain hitting the long window was even more ferocious than Abigail or Emma acted.